Controlling my Control Issues

Sorry, I have been remiss in keeping up with my blog and posting regularly. My job is overwhelming right now but this is not the time or place for that discussion.

Right now I am on vacation with the family. Son, daughter and 3 grandkids at the lake. Things are great to be on vacation at least for 24 hours before I was tested.

Anyone that has read my blog long knows I began this journey with control issues. Ten years ago I knew if I exerted just a little more effort I could control my son's addiction and we would all be back on tract. Five years later trying harder and harder I finally got it through my thick, hard head that wasn't working. That's when I began working on me. If he wasn't going to get better I needed to find a way for me to get better.

Yesterday I had the ultimate test of my control recovery. We are on vacation and Tyler my 3 year old grandson, Alex's son, fell off the top of sliding board onto the dock. He broke his arm in too. Alex and Kristy rushed him to the local hospital while still in their wet swimsuits. I followed them a few minutes later with dry clothes. It was a very complicated break and he was then taken by ambulance to another hospital in a larger city 50 miles away where they had the resources and personnel to take care of him.

If that isn't a test of controlling your control issues then I don't know what could be designed more difficult. Picture this grandpa with his little buddy his arm is broken and he is in terrible pain and crying. Grandpa stood on the side offering support to Tyler and mom and dad just the way he should. Probably wouldn't have happened that way a few years ago.

This morning my little buddy is doing well. A cast but he is managing much better than I expected.

Thinking about last night it became clear to me what was happening with me during this crisis. The question, "Is this mine to control or is this mine to support?"

Wish I was able to have seen that question more clearly a long time ago when we were dealing with a son in active addiction. It seems so clear and so much more simple now.

For a parent with a child addicted and using we are NOT in control. We are the support crew and support can only be effective when the recipient is willing and accepting.

This all falls back to understanding OUR boundaries. Continually pushing against your boundaries and straining the rope to its breaking point often leads to unintended consequences, for ourself and our addicted child.

Last night I respected the boundary, I stepped into my role of support. In the end it made me proud to be a father and it made me proud of Alex and Kristy too.