Friday, March 21, 2014

Another Guest Post

Hello to all. 

My name is Kim and I'm an adult child of, soon-to-be x-spouse of, and parent of addicts.

I could ramble on for hours with different war stories of chaos, insanity, and pain, but not today. It's the first day of spring signifying change. The change isn't about them, it's about me. I feel it's time to concentrate on myself and my needs. It has always been about them and their affects onto me. However, this morning I decided to look into me and see that I'm spiritually sick. I'm not well.

The truth is, my Dad passed away seven years ago, my husband has been out of house for three years, my daughter is active in her recovery, and my son recently entered detox for heroine. None of them are actively using in my face and I'm in control of my own actions and reactions.So what then is my problem? My answer to myself is simple. I'm engrossed with anger, bitterness, and resentment.

I know I must learn to forgive. Forgiving them all and praying for them is supposed to be the key to my freedom yet I can't do it! Perhaps I hold my resentments for my own sick satisfaction of blaming them for all that went wrong. I have to look deeper into myself to find out why. I like the idea of joining an online community for feed back. My psychiatrist isn't helping me nor the handful of therapists I've gone through. I've been spending time writing my memoirs and returned to college online to further my education. I haven't been practicing yoga, which I happen to love, due to a recent back injury. I do enjoy my grandchildren and the new man in my life. They taught me to love.


Dad and Mom said...

Thank you Kim for your post.

I'm sure you've heard it before but saving yourself is what must be done first before you can help anyone.

Also a lot has been said about forgiveness and how we need to forgive others. I found the only way to forgiveness of others is the forgiveness of ourselves first. Forgive yourself for the anger and hurt you felt. Let go, it is so much work holding on to hurt and pain. Life is easier when you are about to just turn loose.

Before trying to forgive others look to see where you can forgive yourself and then when that becomes possible it becomes easier to let go and grant yourself the freedom of forgiving others.

Sue Magoo 8 said...

Hi Kim,
Thank you for your comments. I pray for you, that in time, you can forgive yourself. It's tough for me to forgive myself for many things. I "think" I should be perfect.
Congratulations on furthering your education! YOU ROCK! Freedom is on your horizon. Looking forward to hearing from you again. God be with you. Peace be on your path to freedom and forgiveness.

Kim said...

Thanks to Dad and Mom, and you, Susan. I never thought about that!

Tori said...

Great post! It is hard to learn to "live" again and take care of yourself when you spend so many years in absolute chaos.

Give yourself time to take care of yourself and the things you want to do and find joy again.

Forgiveness will come.

♥●• İzdihër •●♥ said...

Hope things get better for you

Kim said...

Thank you for the kind words, Izdiher.
Tori, I think you hit the nail on the head. I need to feel joy in things for myself, not through them.
The first great thing I did for myself{and I don't recommend it to everyone}is quit my job.
I lived, laughed, and cried during my 18 year career. My back said "enough". I've been home since February 28th. This is a scary decision for more yet I feel so good about it!
I'm going to school to learn new skills that build on my old ones.
I need to find a way to begin reading again and deepen my yoga practice daily.
Thanks again, Kim

Anonymous said...

Your so selfish you make me physically sickk and your the one who raised two addicts,not one two. Me me me they confided in you and they're gettin help yet you think they want your forgivness. you need theirs. ill pray for you. -get a life-

Dad and Mom said...


You're the one needs help in understanding. Forgiveness is something that come from within a person that ultimately helps all.

As far as raising two addicts. No one raises an addict. We raise children and some children make poor choices and end up with the disease of addiction. It is just that simple.

Tonjia Rolan said...

One of the first recovery steps for parents of addicts is taking responsibility for your actions and the consequences of those actions. If , as you confess, you are just now learning to love, imagine being your child, raised in a loveless home, bereft of compassion, cold, filled with rejection. Addicts are not raised in a vaccuum. They are not born, but created. Admit that you were a lousy parent and that you caused your children great suffering. Forgive yourself, and ask your children to forgive you, and then start a new relationship with them that includes you actually loving these people you have spent your life rejecting. Love heals all wounds, and if the wounds are not healed, then you need to learn more about love because you are not doing it right. Taking responsibility for your actions as a parent will help your children begin to take responsibility for their actions.

Syd said...

I hope that you do begin to look at your part and to forgive your actions. Learning to love oneself opens the door to learning to love others.