I remember hating weekends. The weekend meant there was no rest from parenting an addict. You were home with crisis and drama slamming you into the wall at every turn. Calls from jail asking for bail money. New dents and damage to vehicles. Incoherent conversations that end up being a catalyst for more self hurt. Unknown noises at 3 in the morning and not getting out of bed to investigate. People showing up at your home at midnight and you have no idea who they are and being smart enough not to confront them. Sirens wailing outside wondering who they are chasing and in your heart hoping it is........
I wanna go back to work so I can focus on something resembling sanity. Just an office where I can close the door, hide and work in peace.
Today weekends are once again a time to relish. Babysitting a grandchild from a son you never thought would be alive. Looking forward to a visit from a son that spent Friday night at a family bonfire and a Saturday night at Haunted Houses. Listening to tales of fun and joy from those events on Sunday morning. Watching a 1 year old grandson run into his daddy's arms. This is what weekends are suppose to be like. That's what is called appreciation.
The past seems so long ago now.
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16 comments:
I just lived thru a weekend full of the drama and crisis you described. I am not sure it will ever be any different. Your story gives me hope that maybe someday my husband and I will have some peace. Thank you for sharing. Cathy
Lucky you
That post struck a note with me. Thanks.
There was a day when we thought all hope was lost. Now I am able to write a post like this.
How wonderful,...it's so great to read this. As soon as I saw the title of this post I thought,...I so know what he means.
I am happy for you. May I will experience this joy for myself some day. In the meantime, I am shunned. Why I am not really sure, I can only guess.
Bristovol,
I wish that you and every single POA gets to experience this feeling. You cannot imagine how much I hope this happens for everyone.
Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone's coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound. Proverbs 25:20
Anonymous,
Sorry you feel that way. When my son was actively using Darlene and would see it as hope when someone spoke of recovery. I hope that recovery is found by addicts every day. It's not pouring vinegar in a wound, it sharing the message of recovery and hope.
Everything could end tomorrow but for today I choose to live in happiness. That is how I have found to survive. (took me many years to get to that point)
Ron,
My son has been active in his addiction for over a decade. I also just went through a terrible weekend. I read your blog because it gives me hope. I also admire your strength and it gives me the courage to do the really difficult things that I have done and I know I have to do more. You are not pouring vinegar in my wound at all .... you offer inspiration and hope. Thank you!
I was out of line and I apologize.
This is just so wonderful to read. I am so happy that things are going so well and that you can enjoy you son and his precious child.
Well you are living proof that the nightmare does SEEM to end. You and I both know there is never any certainty. Not where drug addicts are involved, even currently inactive addicts take a long time to trust.
Maybe it sounds weird for someone like me to say I sympathize with you but what really kicked off my drug-addict career was going out with a dredlocked crazy cow with a 10 year habit. I remember waking up crying saying "I don't want you to die". It was just terrible.
Then of course I turned into a raving junkie and I'll never forget the day I told my parents. They kept going on at me What the hell is WRONG? I said, Are you sure you want to know? And yes, they said, yes. ALL I HAVE DONE is bring a nasty great shadow into their lives at a time when they should be coasting towards retirement they're now worrying whether I'll still be breathing in the morning... they don't have to worry quite so much now because I'm far more sporadic but yes I'm STILL taking that crap, just not every day. And I don't even drink any more. I was fool enough to go and buy some alcohol the other night and it's still lying there in a great maxi size coffee mug untouched and unwanted. Because I don't like drink any more.and have gone from more than a bottle of spirits (equivalent) a day and blackouts to not even liking the taste any more.
Every single other thing I have dropped: I don't even drink caffeine any more. Just heroin remains. Once I drop that I'll be one of those manic clean-living people with a ready-made virtuous life. So I'm in the ridiculous situation now of doing all this clean living ~ FIVE portions of fruit and veg a day, white fish 3 times a week and no caffeine and yet I'm still chipping at heroin how ridiculous is that!
And you know what I think back and cannot believe I was ever stupid enough to try that rubbish. Waste of time, waste of space, waste of money, waste of life.
I'm really glad you're son's still doing OK I hope he keeps it up :-)
Gledwood,
You are one of those people that I follow close. I know one day you will achieve whatever you set your mind to do. I read of your struggles, defeats and victories. My only counsel is, Be Strong. Do what you can and never give up the goal. Follow your path not one someone or something else sets for you.
I'm really happy for you. I hope other people see that there is hope and recovery CAN happen. I wish it had for me but she did not try.
I am thrilled to pieces for you! =)
Your description of the past and what it's like now is powerful, Ron. I'm glad that the past seems long ago. I don't relive it, even when I share my story. Life is very much in the present and happy. I'm grateful for that. Thanks for being here for so many who are living in the hell of addiction.
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