Saturday, September 25, 2010

Inspiring E-mails

In addition to posting comments publicly many people e-mail us directly because I have our e-mail address posted on the blog. I am grateful for the help and advice no matter if it is publicly posted or privately e-mailed.

I received an e-mail the other day that is an inspiration to us and I thought it might be good for everyone else too. The author has granted me permission to post it, I hope it helps you too.

You and Mom are probably aware I lived with the depravity that is heroin (or crack or meth or vodka or MadDog) addiction for almost 12 years. We all have our war stories, so I won't go into the stomach turning details of homelessness, overdoses, prison visits, late night drama, ER crisis's, suicide threats, and stolen family heirlooms.

The reason I'm commenting is that at about 7 years into the heroin addiction of our son, his father and I broke down together. We held each other and cried together for a long time.
We were out of rehab money, out of excuses, and out of hope. When we were cried out that day, his father and I made a pact with each other.

From now on, we would decide together what was right for our family. It was a very real possibility our son would die. We asked ourselves-- if we were standing over our son's coffin right now, what would matter to us.

Would it be the opinion of an internet stranger? How about the expert advice of addiction professionals (who BTW can boast a 8-12% success rate--WTF!)? The judgment of other family members? Well meaning, and not so well meaning strangers?

We realized we would have to live with the decision of taking that phone call or not. Making that 5 hour drive to the prison once a month or not. Telling our son we loved him even when we knew he was high or not. Putting flowers on his grave or not. IT WAS OUR EYES we would have to meet in the mirror. Sometimes that meant taking a hard stand, other times it meant driving downtown to hand him a McDonalds meal on the street. Or giving that McDonalds meal to someone else's kid if we could not find him.

We decided to be
confident and united in our actions, and with no regrets however it played out.

Dad, I have seen you humbled since you started this blog. You started out, as we all did, angry and helpless. You didn't understand you had come up against something you could not reason out. But your writing shows me you are starting to get it-- You are becoming more compassionate and forgiving. You are beginning to accept your son for who he is, not who you envisioned he would be. You are more grateful for the many blessing in your life. These things are the upside of being brought to one's knees.

What I'm trying to say is don't let internet strangers bully you. Don't listen to addiction "professionals" who would pass judgment on a case they hear second hand, without knowing the client. (That borders on unethical..they should have their licenses pulled!) Keep reading, keep an open mind, stay teachable.

And don't let anyone tell you no one beats heroin. This mom knows better. My son had the spiritual awakening; he's changed on the inside. But it wasn't anything I did or didn't do.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—"
(Ephesians 2:8)

May God's grace rain down on Alex.

Love, Lou


Anonymous said...


Bristolvol said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bristolvol said...

Could not have said it better myself. (Too many typos last time)

Erin said...

Amen to everything that was said!!!!!!!!!!!!

beachteacher said...

I agree too !! And by the way....that internet stranger's blog really pissed me off and I wrote a comment there and told him so, offensive it was,....and how great you are, and how off base he was in what he wrote....but he deleted my comment...go figure. Lou said the truth so well.

Syd said...

If this is the Lou that I know from blogging, she has great compassion but also understands that enabling does not work. Thanks for posting this. I think that she has summed up the solution in a spiritual awakening.

BMelonsLemonade said...

I love it...I have tears in my eyes. And I am with her when she says, "Don't let anyone tell you no one beats heroin..." Because they do. I have, and many others like me have. I am glad you read and commented on my post yesterday...I actually was thinking about your son some when I wrote it. He may like to read it. I sensed from his recent post that he was frustrated that it can be a long road, and I would like him to know that it is a long road for us all...he is not alone in that. There is no quick fix, and there is no instant cure all...but it sure is worth it when things finally start working out. I never dreamed I could be so happy. And I KNOW it is here to stay. And I am, and will be here for good. You two are wonderful parents. I am blessed with wonderful parents, too. I cannot imagine my life without them.

Gledwood said...

What an amazing letter!

Barbara said...

I am SO GRATEFUL when people share about someone that has beat heroin - like Lemondade above, I love hearing it and we need to hear it.

The email from Lou is so right on, thanks for sharing it here. And she's right about you have mellowed :) I think I have gotten more angry but we're all at different turns on the roller coaster ride.

Her Big Sad said...

I was wondering if this was Lou before I finished. I literally said AMEN! several times before I got to the end. I will post about this later, right now I want to print this for my DH to read. We are in the midst of making huge, potentially life-changing decisions about our role in our daughter's life and this is unbelievably helpful. I so agree with every word! Thank you for sharing it with us, and thank you Lou, for sharing your Experience, Strength and Hope!

Anna said...

Amen from me too!

Addiction--Mom trying to Detach with Love said...

Gosh I miss Lou, she is a wise woman and I agree with every single thing she wrote. She helped me quite a bit get to the space I am today and that is loving my son for who he is without enabling him. Thanks for sharing this with us.

Anonymous said...

beautifully put...thank you

Sober Move said...

That is an inspiring email, I'm sure it is nice for you to see that someone cares enough about you and your family to take the time and thought to write it:)

It's nice to hear stories with a happy ending.

Thanks for sharing.

LisaC said...

I simply cried reading this post. Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I know, Lou. :) Being cautiously hopeful without enabling is a great thing. Always hold onto hope but let them sink or swim on their own. Hope things are well. I don't get on here much anymore but I do think of all of you.

kel said...

If this is the Lou I think it is, I am so very, very thrilled to hear her son is staying clean!!!