It's been over 13 years since I created this blog as an effort to learn more about addiction and find peace for myself during our son's addiction.
So much time has passed and things have changed so dramatically in our life. I'm sure or I hope you have read about our progress. The question that continually enters my mind is what has happened with all of those people and families that regularly read this blog so long ago? What about those that have only discovered this blog lately in a search for help with their own family issues?
Some of those long ago readers I am Facebook friends and hear of their life today. Some of the people like Barbara and Lea that read this and in turn I read their blogs have experienced tragic outcomes.
I would love to hear from everyone about their life, good, bad and ugly. Please share your successes and your tragedies.
The truth is that unfortunately this blog is still relevant. Blogs are not as popular today as they were in 2009 but I still get new readers and emails all the time from families struggling.
Your story may be the one that lights a candle in the dark for others in the world of loving a person struggling with addiction.
A simple phrase none of us have forgotten still rings true:
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
25 comments:
Just saw your blog for the first time. Have only read your last comment. I, too, have a son that is an addict.ill try not to go into too many details, but it has been almost 20 years of (I don't have to tell you) the things that have happened, places he's been, and the times we have tried to help him get through this. I just know his pain has gotten deeper and deeper. Therefore, so has mine. I'm going to go back to read at least some of your blog. Thank you for being steadfast in trying to reach out to those of us that still have no clue how to help. We are Christians and do believe he can get through this with God's help and his own efforts. Thank you
I stumbled upon your blog while searching for anything that could help me make sense of what I am feeling. My son is an addict. I am over the comments from people who say that marijuana is not addictive. It is. My son starting using when he was 14, 11 years before his brain was fully developed. We tried counseling, punishment, talking, prayer, community service and actually thought that he had stopped using. Our son was an honor student, played multiple sports, earned college scholarships and made us so proud when he went off to college. I will spare the details of why he is no longer in college but it has been 3 years of hell. I noticed manic behavior and had him assessed at the ER. Today, at the age of 22, he has been declared mentally ill due to early drug use coupled with trauma. He is high functioning so his stays at mental hospitals are brief. As soon as he is released and the meds give him normalcy, he is back to the drugs and manic all over again. He can't keep a job, we can't put him out but the abusive language, violent outbursts, cursing, threatening behavior, etc is overwhelming. We are Christians and provided all of our children a good life. Our son chose to make choices that contradicted all that he was taught and knew to be right. I feel helpless. Stuck. Hopeless. Angry. Disappointed. Sad.
There are so many stories and so many people hurting. Honestly, I hope you keep blogging. There are still people out there for you to reach. Even if you only influence one person or change one life you've done a lot.
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I just found this site today as I looked for ways to help my adult child who is dealing with addiction and a shaky recovery. He is 22 and just finished intensive outpatient. It's hard to watch him struggle to recover and lose ground....to see the possibility and all that potential slip away. It's very hard for me to not just be able to make him get better or make him want to get better and pursue goals. It's very hard to not be enveloped in fear whenever he leaves the house to go out with friends- people who are still in the partying/drinking/drug using mindset. I hope you continue to maintain this blog and I look forward to reading your previous posts. I am glad your son has maintained his sobriety and wonder what you recommend to parents....how best to support their child's recovery.
I just stumbled upon your blog. I have never been a blogger nor blog reader. My son just 19, an addict and still struggling living in his bedroom in our house. I cam across your blog as I was searching for scholarships for his younger brother just turned 17 who is looking to attend college next year. Yes, our son's addiction takes up most of our time. Our youngest has had to grow up quicker and become more responsible and self-sufficient faster and more unreasonably that he should have. Despite both of us working full time, addiction and his stealing has taken a lot of our money leaving little to save for college, thus, the looking for scholarships for students who had siblings facing mental health and addiction issues. We seem to be turning a corner with his addiction lately as he resumed attending online school; two classes. He has been attending counseling regularly and communicating with us more. I see this as progress yet I always wait for it all to fall apart.
Thank you for doing such good, important work. Your blog is relatable to parents dealing with these issues, and provides help and hope. I am so glad for your son's recovery. I visited your blog many times while we were dealing with our son's addiction and mental illness. Unfortunately our son died by suicide, much too young. The suffering just got to be too much for him. It's hard as a parent not to blame ourselves for this - it feels like the worst failure possible in life. But reading blogs like yours is helpful in understanding that we were dealing with a serious form of illness, and that bad things do happen to good people, despite their best efforts. I wish love , peace and strength to all of the parents out there who find their family in this painful position.
Hi there. I used to read your blog and Sid’s years ago. I think we spoke a time or two on here back then. One of my sons can keep an apartment and a job now. He’s been good for close to 10 years. The oldest used to do better but he has really struggled with his mental health and gotten a divorce. The last 3 years since the divorce have been terrible. Last year was the worst.
I just found your blog today. My only son is an alcoholic/drug addict and has been for 30+ years. He is 50 years old. His addictions started when he was very young. He married at 23 and has two beautiful girls. His wife tried to help him give up his drugs of choice but finally divorced him 5 years ago. I have taken her place, paying for multiple rehabs and detox in the hopes that losing his family and many financial problems, etc would help him to get well once and for all. To my dismay he goes right back to his old ways. Iam slowly giving up hope. He lives with me because he has been kicked out of multiple sober living homes for using. His credit is so bad he cannot rent an apartment and also pay rent plus child support. Please advise, am I enabling him by having him here with me? Iam at a loss if I should make him leave or keep letting him stay.
Anonymous,
Thank you for your comment. I am sorry you have gone through this and your son has dealt with this so long.
My advice is to try another approach. I don't know how much you know about CRAFT (Community Reinforcment And Family Training but I would try doing that with your son. If you do not know what this entails I would suggest a couple of good books, "Beyond Addiction" by Dr. Carrie Wilkins and Dr. Jeff Foote or "Get Your Loved One Sober" By Dr. Meyers. Both of these are on Amazon and inexpensive. If you have any questions feel free to write me, my e-mail is teamplayer@aol.com.
After 6 7 years, I’ve lost track. I’ve come to the conclusion that is only one way for the pain to stop.
Please continue to blog. I am completely lost. My son turned 22 yesterday.
Anonymous,
You are not alone. Feel free to write. If you need to talk email me and I will give you my phone number.
My story is the same, 23. son, so much potential - good school, sports, friends but always an underlying issue of low self esteem, despite his success. It’s been six years of hell, grieving, hope, lost hope, multiple programs, drugs affecting his mental health, keeping him out of police trouble and petty crime. He’s now only got friends who deal in drugs and do stupid things. He has tried to give up and it works for a while but he becomes socially isolated and skips back to the same old crowd - probably the only ones who accept him. He's a poly-user and we live if fear he will get hurt, do something that will send him to prison - on occasion we’ve gone and stayed at a hotel rather than remain in the house when he’s been drug-fuelled. Each time he knows he’s gone too far and goes back into an inpatient program. Several places have said there’s no point taking him back. He wont commit to hard-core programs. We’re determined to do our utmost to keep him home.
Anonymous,
Our son had a hard time when he entered recovery. He was a very social person and the only friends he had were the friends he used with. That was a hard time with the loneliness but that is a part of recovery. Stick with him and make sure he knows it gets better. He didn't get sick overnight he won't get well overnight.
I found your blog just looking for some kind of answers to what I needed to do with my addicted son.....I'm at a loss on what to do today is his 21st birthday and his payday I'm worried to death!! Your blog is great thank you so much! It was so helpful 🙂
So sorry-just found this blog tonight because everything people say here is true. No preparation and want to survive.
Wow. Thank you. Going through the same thing with a 32 year old daughter. Good to find people who feel the same fears and sense of loss and lack of direction.
I came across this blog just now. As I sit here reading all these stories, tears stream down my eyes. I am not sure I can get my words down. I found cocaine in my son's car three days ago. I have been either numb or crying ever since. My son is 18 and we have been dealing with his marijuana use since he was 14. He has been in and out of counseling with us, without us, ever since. He is one of the most well liked students in his class: an athlete, a Homecoming candidate, a college scholarship winner, and yet he is the loneliest person I know. He shut his little brother out of his life years ago. I have yet to understand why. He is passive, quiet and moody. I'm terrified, angry, and infinitely sad. I don't know what to do.
As a new parent of addicted adult child, I have read all your blogs. I am searching for how to help him, yet not enable. Your blogs were like food to my starving soul. Thank you.
I just came across this blog while looking for others experiencing something like I’m going through now. My son is 20 and unfortunately his addiction has him currently incarcerated. His drug of choice is alcohol and he chose to drive multiple times before crashing into a building. Thank the good lord nobody was seriously injured. I’m simply struggling to keep my own mental health stable while going through this. Not being able to help your child as I’m sure most who read this know is terrifying. He has been ordered to serve probation and meetings upon his release. Even though I know this has to be his journey I still find myself trying to plan it all out for him. I need to let him accept the help being offered to him even if it’s court ordered I’m hoping he takes full advantage of these services. Visiting him in jail he’s adamant he never wants to return once he’s out. Obliviously I don’t know if that’s just because he’s in there now or if this is really making a difference. He’s on the second month of what should be when he’s sentenced next month of a two month sentence. I’m just so incredibly nervous for his return home. Ultimately it’s his decision to lead a better life. I pray for all the parents out there struggling with this as much as I pray for my own son.
Same here
Very very difficult path for everyone. We are in the same boat dealing with the same pitiful disease that alcohol and substances do. 7 years now and our son is 23.
Hi I never post things and I can't figure out how to create a new comment ! I see this from some time ago . I feel blessed to find great read tonight as a mom with a 21year old son who has relapsed and was a rough day So Thank You Very Much
Feel free to e-mail me if you want.
Dad
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