Monday, January 20, 2014

5 Year Anniversary

On January 20, 1999 I began writing this blog. Never when I began did I think it would become what it has and last this long. At this point it has become an old friend and it keeps me connected to friends all over.

Prior to writing there had been a lot of water under the bridge, most of it very turbulent. I was finding it increasingly more difficult to navigate those waters and at times to even stay afloat. Writing on here did not calm the waters, it just seemed I had many experienced friends that were helping to guide me.

In the last five years so much has happened it is difficult to capture it in one post. Fortunately there are 540 posts that do that for me. However, I am going to try and recall some of the highlights of those five years that basically shook me to the core, some in good ways and some not so good.

Three grandchildren and a son in recovery. What more can I say about how good life can be. There were many smiles and quiet moments of appreciation.

However, every day there are times I relive the horrors. I drive past a courthouse or hospital and I feel a quiver in my body. Jail and overdoses haunt me. Every single day I drive by the cemetery where Darlene and I sat in the car and planned our son's funeral because at that time we felt we had lost him to the monster.

Every day I still feel the frustration that I didn't see this, couldn't stop this, and even though I know better, I couldn't fix this. Lot's of guilt still in dad that doesn't seem to go away.

But this blog helps. Each day I can write or I can simply just go back in time and read. I find comfort many days in the wise words many of you left for me as comments.

Each day I keep at this to try and offer hope or help to other parents just like me that feel hopeless and alone. We aren't alone, unless we choose to be. I talk about this at schools in hopes that when those grandchildren of mine grow up it won't be "cool" to try this stuff.

Just like five years ago, I had no idea what I was doing or what this blog would become. I have no idea where this is headed. My only hope is that I have helped as many of you by sharing my story as you have helped me.


Annette said...

I can't believe its ONLY been 5 years. A lot of water under the bridge. things can change. I am so happy for you Ron and Darlene and your beautiful family. I am so glad you still hang around with us :o) because you are needed here my friend. Bless your hearts...all of you.

Al's Mom said...

Finding your blog along with others has helped me in so many ways... the biggest one is "I'm not alone in this". I'm so happy for you and your beautiful boy. He gives me hope that one day I'll be able to write about my son... my families recovery too. God bless you all!!

Tori said...

You helped me so much when I first started writing about 3 years ago. I can't believe it has been that long.

Anonymous said...

It has been only a short time since my son stopped. But this time it feels real. The monster is losing its grip.

Judith Joy said...

Congratulations for coming out on the other side of this difficult time. I've been in similar circumstances (but not with drugs) with one of my children. While it's hard to go through it, it is possible to be happy again.


beachteacher said...

Ron --I thank God for you & your blog. Yours led me to support - from you & the others you connected me to. I was a very sad & scared, overwhelmed mom-- desperate and bewildered at the horrific actions of our son -- despite having raised him the best we could - in a family with 2 older, non addict siblings. I couldn't even believe the things that were happening -- police at our house -- anger, ....just out of control everything. I really found I wasn't alone -- and wow- did that help. I googled "addict son" & when I saw the title of your blog -- it was very apt. I learned there were all of these other "good" parents out there going through the same absolute hell that we were. Thank you thank you for leading me to this group. I've learned so much that's held me up from you & the others. Many many times - I felt that all of you within our POA community were the only ones that I could REALLY talk to that understood. I'll always be so grateful for all of you. My son too is out of the hell that he was in. I wondered if I'd ever be able to say that ! Thank you Ron. Your blogging has made such a difference to so many. And I'm SO happy at the transformation that Alex has made -- for him, you & your family -- and the hope it gives to all that read his/your story.

Hattie Heaton said...

Thank you for being a part of a community of hope. It really is what we all need to survive.

Dad and Mom said...

Thank you all for your kind words.