We all know what it means to ass-u-me but I was pretty bad about making assumptions based upon past experience. While my son was using my assumption most of the time was it would never end. A logical assumption was that every weekend there would be drama and a crisis, and just to stay prepared there was always practice dramas and crisis all through the week too. So naturally my assumption was that nothing would ever change.
After taking time I began to understand that my assumptions were destroying whatever peace that happened my way. It was a real struggle for me to get over my assumptions. I have lived my life with high expectations of myself and just about anyone around me. In my mind constant and consistent learning renews me makes me better, from that the natural assumption was that everyone would want the same. My assumptions were toxic to my well being and mental health.
Living life based on assumptions left me very little time for another even more important "A" word, appreciation.
Today I am better about dropping assumptions but I am still pushing myself to get better every day. As I work on that I am learning I have more time to appreciate life's rewards and struggles. I think of where we all were 12 months, 18 months or even 5 years ago and can better appreciate the place we are today. It would have been my nature to take things and people for granted.
Appreciation is slowly replacing ass-u-me. Appreciation is being able to just sit and watch my son play football and golf in the backyard with his sisters and brother-laws on Labor Day. Appreciation is seeing my son and daughters play games with the kids, forgetting that there is a 20 year age difference. Appreciation is the way a granddaughter grabs my finger, looks up and says, "Papa, swing me" or a tiny grandson that falls asleep when I hold him.
When I am able to release the turmoil inside I get these rewards. I think I have made a good trade. No matter what happens in the future I like this place better and I am going to try my best to remain there.
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6 comments:
What a wonderful Labor Day you had with your family. Such days are cherish for sure... appreciate them we will.
Great post Ron, and it's true that gratitude is an amazing thing that creates instant feelings of contentment. Also, I'm a big believer of not giving anything negative more energy, which can certainly emanate from assumptions. Those little ones sound so wonderful. :)
In Alanon we call it gratitude instead of appreciation, but it's all good.
We learned from the experience what is important and that's all that matters.
Man, ain't this the truth. I so often have to stop myself from assuming the worst and allow myself to appreciate the present moment. Unfortunately, the present moments are still interupted with relapses quite often, its still hard work to not let those times influence my moods.
Awww, sounds like the perfect Labor Day!!!!
That is so true. I sent myself in to a range of horrible emotions because of my assumption of what may happen when B gets out. I just need to be grateful that he is sober today. Period.
I appreciate what you write about not assuming what others will do. I had to drop expectations to a low level. And I am happier for not making assumptions about others or trying to control what they do.
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