It's been about 3 hours now and it's taken this long to finally getting into rhythm here at the office.
Upon arriving at the office this morning I had a text from an associate in the plant. His message was that another associate, who I had just hired on Thursday would not be at work this week due to a family emergency. The new associates name is Alex.
When I saw that message I knew of no family emergency on my side of the family. Of course we are expecting a new grandson in a month, we all know babies keep their own schedule. I text my Alex, no response. I called my Alex no response. I called his mother and she got no responses form text or voice. Of course internal panic begins to grip us. We can see bad places in our minds but we are doing our best not to go there.
A co-worker asks me, "What's wrong?"
As I relate the story I am reminded by him of the new guy hired on Thursday, whose name is also Alex. My Alex is out there on the laminator where he is suppose to be on a Monday morning for work. Of course he doesn't answer our texts or phone calls, he is working.
Maybe it takes longer for you to naturally go to good places in your mind than it does to make a leap to the bad places.
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I am not in a position to answer that question at this time but I am looking forward to having an answer some day!
I have a feeling it will be a slow process taking several years.
This has been such an emotional day around here. This post just undid me! I have been there so many times and I was so afraidw hile I read your words....and then was your beautiful boy at the laminator doing what he was suppossed to be doing. What a blessing!
I think that there is just conditioning that happens--the Pavlovian response to alcoholism for me. I have thrown my spirituality out the window when I project my fears. Hang in there. We all have much work to do.
This exact condition is what I shared at my "Believers in recovery" group....I go to that place and it eats me up. I do know that each time it helps me to gain strength to overcome it.(I pray)
I had an episode like that just this morning. My son didn't answer his phone when my husband called him on our way in to work. The phone went automatically to voice mail. My husband out of no where said, "He isn't moving back in the house." What? The automatic assumption was that he was hung over, passed out, or some other way not able to go to work. He left his phone charger in a friend's car so his phone is dead. He made it to work. Yep, I think recovery is a process that continues for a good long while.
I freak out a little every time I have trouble getting a hold of my son. Now that Son2 is off Suboxone, I feel like I'm on red alert... Syd is right, we still have a lot of work to do...
Unfortunately, I totally can relate to this. I "go there" in my mind when I can't reach my son or don't hear from him....and realize that I'm not progressing in my own recovery as much as I think I am, at times.
After years of addiction, I doubt that any Parent can forget it all in a few months. Thank goodness he is still doing well. It seems like he has been sober for a very long time now! :)
I have a LOT of work to do but I am trying and that feel so good. I am not just sitting here wallowing in self pity. It was not long ago that I really didn't know there was any other way to live.
Ron, I also want to tell you something that probably sounds a little stalkerish but when I post something controversial or thought provoking there are a few commenters that I eagerly await and you are one of those people. Your calm, matter of fact way that is slightly out of the box advice is always very what I need to here, even when I do not agree. I am always glad you wrote it.
It's been 3+ years that my son has been clean and sober, and when I don't hear from him for more than a few days, I can feel the "stinking thinking" begin.
I don't know that it will ever change.
I just have to make a conscious decision to "let go" yet again.
I think the disease of addiction leaves scars. While some scars heal beautifully, some remain sore and red.
We've all been injured. We all heal at different paces.
God Bless
I was panicking while I read this till I got to the "good part". Yep, I think we will have those kind of feelings for a long time, but perhaps it will eventually fade away....
One month till the baby!!!! Have they named him yet? I am so excited!!!!
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