Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year

It am taking a break. We have a house full of people and some are playing domino's and some are playing a board game. I'm not much of a board game player except for games like trivial pursuit or something like that type.

I get to do what ever I want because today is also my birthday. ;-) The way I have it figured out. I was born in the morning on Dec. 31. By doing a tremendous amount of research about the day I was born I discovered the following: I was born in the morning and by the evening of that day there were celebrations and parties across the globe. Darlene says I am sometimes full of myself. But, how do you argue facts like those. Check it out for yourself, I was born in the morning and people celebrated all night. Just simple conclusions, facts are facts.


Monday, December 27, 2010

Good with the Bad

Got a really good call from our son from jail on Christmas afternoon, that's the good.

My mom's dementia is getting worse, it is becoming more and more pronounced. It was very evident with everyone here for Christmas, the bad.

My father-in-law's significant other died on Sunday the 26th. She suffered from Alzheimer's too, the bad.

Friday, December 24, 2010

A Christmas Wish

To all that read this blog and suffer through my misspellings, poor grammar and endless stories.

A very Merry Christmas to all and may all of your Christmas wishes come true in 2011.

I know my Christmas wishes are showing themselves to be real this year. Even though he is spending a lonely Christmas in jail he went in clean and has written his sister's that never, ever again. What a wonderful gift we received this year but our gift pales in comparison to the gift of sobriety he is giving himself.

Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday to all.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Emotions During The Holiday Season

When our son was actively using and not in jail we dreaded holidays and weekends. Holidays especially seemed to be a trigger for disaster. One event after another was ruined by his using and actions, birthdays, Christmas, no matter what event there seemed to be drama. We used to moan, "Why does he always do this on a holiday?!!!" I'm sure we aren't alone in expressing that exasperation.

I began to realize that it wasn't just the holiday he was screwing up. He was addicted to drugs. With that came a constant need for him to use each day and if a holiday or special event happened to roll around that wasn't going to end his using. All that really happened was the holiday or event complicated the drama due to added people sometimes but always complications entered from our heightened expectations of a holiday we wished to have instead of the reality of the one we faced.

As this Christmas rolls around our son is in jail. Yes, we wish he were home with us but the reality is our life is our making and his life is his making. The joy we feel this Christmas different from the past. This time he went to jail clean and with a desire to be clean. Yep, we really do wish he was with us this Christmas but......

Dealing with my own personal feelings is complicated. The rational side of me understands the consequences of actions and supports that there should be consequences. But, I am angry. My anger is with my son because of the pain he is causing my wife, his sisters and everyone else in our family that wants so badly for him to be with us but will not be allowed be with us as a family. I see their hurt and it makes me angry that he put himself in a position to hurt those people in this way.

Each time I see my mother she asks about our son. She knows he is in jail and why but she still says she worries so about him. The reality is she is over 80 years old and dementia is quickly overtaking her mind despite the medications. He gets out in 5 months and who knows what other counties may do, but one thing I know for sure is my mother is not going to get better and who knows at what place she will be when she can see him. Another spot of anger for me to see her disappointment when she cannot see him. Her visiting him in jail is not an option, she wouldn't be able to handle it in her condition.

Living in the world of "what is" versus the world of "ought to be" SUCKS. But I found much more peace when I began living in the world of "is" rather than the constant turmoil of the world of "ought".

ps.: Please check out this mother's blog that just today sent her 20 year old son to rehab for 6 months far, far away. Addiction From The Parent Perspective

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Spirit of the Holiday's

It's time to once again to get into the spirit of the holiday's, time to put on the game face.

I am so looking forward to going shopping today and dealing with those crazy idiots that should never been given a drivers license. Cars everywhere and every woman driving on the street with a cell phone stuck to her ear and trying to make a left turn in traffic to pick up some little piece of crap for someone that doesn't care anyway. I am usually so pleasant to someone like that, I honk and wave my greetings to her being sure to point one finger towards her so she knows I am acknowledging her generosity during these wonderful holidays.

I take it upon myself make sure all of the temporary store clerks that know nothing about their job receive a warm word about this glorious holiday. I am so patient while waiting when I hear their plea, "CSM register 6" and I am the second person in line behind the person that has an item that the UPC doesn't scan. And then when it is my turn after waiting 20 minutes she greets me with such a smiley "Happy Holidays." I share my joy by asking her. "Do you really know why the angel has a tree stuck up it's a$$?"

How can our house have exactly 27,652 square feet of wrapping paper stored in the closet and not 1/2 inch of scotch tape? Oh yea, I have Duck Tape in the garage!!!!!

Mom, why are you so stressed about decorations, cleaning the house and fixing food? I don't care if 18 people are going to be here on Christmas Day, if it ain't good enough the way we live every day then you need to keep it cleaner for me all the rest of the year. Who needs all this food, Taco Bell has 10 packs for take out!

What exactly do you mean that those new shirts are going to look so good on you? I got a bunch of new shirts in the '90's and there isn't a damn thing wrong with them. I already got 76 shirts hanging in the closet; why do I need new ones, besides not a single one of the new ones have Harley Davidson printed anywhere on them.

The big day finally arrives and the house is so full of joy, laughter and chatter. It is a shame that everyone else has forgotten the true meaning of this day, I CAN HARDLY HEAR THE ANNOUNCERS ON THE FOOTBALL GAME!

Merry F'ing Christmas to all. ;-)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

How Are Court Workers Hired?

Not much to say but wait. We haven't been visiting our son unless we have to because he only gets 30 minutes of visitation per week so we are letting his girlfriend use the time. He is nervous about when he gets out and what will be waiting for him, what he might lose. My talk to him was he loses nothing if he keeps his determination of being clean and changing his life.

I have been trying to deal with court clerks and judges from the other jurisdictions. I'm telling you if these people worked for me they would be among the unemployed. I have been trying to figure out if they were this dumb when they were hired or became that way in their job.

A letter of incarceration handed to a judge stating his release date is May 24, 2011, judge gives him a continuation to March 1. When I tell him to look at the date on the paper, his response was maybe he get released early. When I say, maybe he won't he just tells me to, "Come up to court again and wait 3 hours like today." If I have to go again on March 1 I am going to ask him if he expects people to take him serious when he rules. If he responds yes then I am going to ask him why he doesn't take other with the same seriousness.

Another jurisdiction sent a letter that because my son was eligible for work release he should immediately send money for his fines. When I called the clerk and told her that he was not allowed work release by the judge she responded, "All I know is a letter we got said he was eligible for work release so he needs to come to court and tell the judge they won't let him work. They won't let him out of jail to go to court in another jurisdiction. Duh! I flat told this woman that if a customer service person responded to a customer with answers like she did and in the way she does in my organization they would be unemployed.

Faxed a letter of incarceration to another jurisdiction. Was told by clerk she would tell judge and get a continuation and call me back. No contact, no call. Am I wrong to expect someone to do what they told me they were going to do?

Maybe someone in the legal field would be so kind as to enlighten me if this is standard operating procedure. Truthfully, I am losing more and more respect for our judicial system and law enforcement the more contact I have with these agencies.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Drugs Are My Prison

I got a note from my cousin's husband. He forwarded a song that was written by his brother's girlfriend whose son died after many years of drug addiction.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Addiction Is An Illness Not A Crime

Lou, forwarded me a petition and ask me to post this on my blog. It is a mother's initiative in Indiana to force mandatory treatment on addicts. I know mandatory treatment may not be the end all of addiction but it can force an addict to look at themselves. I believe each step towards sobriety builds upon the last. Sometimes it takes many steps. Please review this material and if you find it useful please sign the petition, I have.

Since I no longer blog, I was wondering if you might pass this along in your blog.

I have just read and signed the petition: "The Jennifer Act - Involuntary Drug Treatment". A mother who lost her daughter to addiction has almost single-handily taken this cause on. You can read her
story. I personally feel any period of sobriety, forced or otherwise, is a step toward permanent recovery. I had never heard of this law until I stumbled onto her blog. As a parent of an adult addict, I want to help her get the word out.

Please take a moment to read about this important issue, and join me in signing the petition. It takes just 30 seconds, but can truly make a difference. We are trying to reach 5000 signatures - please sign here:

Once you have signed, you can help even more by asking your friends and family to sign as well.

Thank you! Lou

Interesting article worth reading in The Star concerning probabtion and the liklihood of repeat offenders and how low risk offenders hould be dealt with in the system.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Unrest of Jail vs. Protective Custody

In the not too long ago we saw jail as protective custody. It was a respite from the madness of having an addict in our life. We took the time to recharge our batteries in preparation for his release and a resumption of the madness that had invaded our life.

Today we suffer the effects of having a loved on in jail that we wish to be around. That is quite a change. To compound the effects of this time our "enlightened" system in Leavenworth County allows visits ONLY Monday thru Thursday, 1pm to 4:30pm, no weekend or holiday visits. Who in their infinite wisdom designs a system like this? Plus like every system I am aware of there are only collect calls and they are $10 for 10 minutes.

I've never really given much thought to the US penal system; its mission and its methods. What is the balance between punishment and rehabilitation? What should it be? Should the mentally ill be as part of the general population? (there was an article in the KC Star today about that) How or should we help the addicted in jail, take the time and put forth the effort during this time clean to introduce them to recovery options and life? Or is it lock'em up throw away the key? Can we really afford that attitude? To many questions by one not familiar with the system and few answers.