Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Spirit of the Holiday's

It's time to once again to get into the spirit of the holiday's, time to put on the game face.

I am so looking forward to going shopping today and dealing with those crazy idiots that should never been given a drivers license. Cars everywhere and every woman driving on the street with a cell phone stuck to her ear and trying to make a left turn in traffic to pick up some little piece of crap for someone that doesn't care anyway. I am usually so pleasant to someone like that, I honk and wave my greetings to her being sure to point one finger towards her so she knows I am acknowledging her generosity during these wonderful holidays.

I take it upon myself make sure all of the temporary store clerks that know nothing about their job receive a warm word about this glorious holiday. I am so patient while waiting when I hear their plea, "CSM register 6" and I am the second person in line behind the person that has an item that the UPC doesn't scan. And then when it is my turn after waiting 20 minutes she greets me with such a smiley "Happy Holidays." I share my joy by asking her. "Do you really know why the angel has a tree stuck up it's a$$?"

How can our house have exactly 27,652 square feet of wrapping paper stored in the closet and not 1/2 inch of scotch tape? Oh yea, I have Duck Tape in the garage!!!!!

Mom, why are you so stressed about decorations, cleaning the house and fixing food? I don't care if 18 people are going to be here on Christmas Day, if it ain't good enough the way we live every day then you need to keep it cleaner for me all the rest of the year. Who needs all this food, Taco Bell has 10 packs for take out!

What exactly do you mean that those new shirts are going to look so good on you? I got a bunch of new shirts in the '90's and there isn't a damn thing wrong with them. I already got 76 shirts hanging in the closet; why do I need new ones, besides not a single one of the new ones have Harley Davidson printed anywhere on them.

The big day finally arrives and the house is so full of joy, laughter and chatter. It is a shame that everyone else has forgotten the true meaning of this day, I CAN HARDLY HEAR THE ANNOUNCERS ON THE FOOTBALL GAME!

Merry F'ing Christmas to all. ;-)


Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Barbara said...

And I thought I was Scrooge! All I can say is I am so glad my family is not doing gifts this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for a genuine belly laugh! You're funny.

Merry Christmas, Ron!!!

Syd said...

Ron, you remind me of the Ghost of Christmas Past. Come on down for a Happy Holiday, dude.

Anonymous said...

Next Christmas will be better and think how much closer your son will be to true sobriety. I know it is hard but please try to remember this journey is his- not yours. YOU are a hard- working man who will have a house full of 18 people on Christmas- lucky you to be surrounded by so many who want to be in your presence and share the holiday with you. Look at the ones who need you. Look at the ones who appreciate you. Look at the ones who have been there all along. Be there for them. Be blessed. I know it is hard. But just do it.

Dad and Mom said...

I hope everyone knows that it is real dangerous to take me serious most of the time. LOL

Brother Frankie said...

ouch.. well here is a simple reminder folks..

The true meaning..
Luke 2:8-14 (NLT)
8 That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep.
9 Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. They were terrified,
10 but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people.
11 The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David!
12 And you will recognize him by this sign: You will find a baby wrapped snugly in strips of cloth, lying in a manger.”
13 Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God and saying,
14 “Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.”

May the grace, peace and Love of Our Lord Jesus bless you this Christmas..
You are Loved
Brother Frankie

Annette said...

"The holiday belongs to you too. Your joy is just as important as all of those around you. The truth is those that love you and surround you want to see you smile more than any present you could possibly buy or any meal you could cook."

Do those words sound familiar to you Ron?? lol

Ok, I knew you were joking and you did make me laugh out loud! Mission accomplished.

Erin said...

Amen Brother Frankie.

Gledwood said...

Have a very Merry One and a superior 2011


PS I'm 2 weeks off that **** and on methadone 100%, nothing on top. For the first time ever

Dad and Mom said...


I'm pulling for you!

beachteacher said...

I knew it was tongue in cheek....and have an awesome Christmas ! To be honest,...I wish that we lived close enough to extended family to have all of those people over...I really do, for I grew up that way. We're hitting the road to go back to our "homeland" husband's and mine, where the rest of our families are...which we haven't done for years and I'm quite excited about it. I hope you really enjoy all the hub-bub and really feel the joy. :) Thanks for helping me hang on this past year.

Rebecca said...

WOW - I really needed that laugh Ron! Thanks so much for sharing your holiday humor and keep it coming!

Kim A. said...

Would you like to share my anti-depressants? (j/k, of course!)

Merry Humbug!