I am so looking forward to going shopping today and dealing with those crazy idiots that should never been given a drivers license. Cars everywhere and every woman driving on the street with a cell phone stuck to her ear and trying to make a left turn in traffic to pick up some little piece of crap for someone that doesn't care anyway. I am usually so pleasant to someone like that, I honk and wave my greetings to her being sure to point one finger towards her so she knows I am acknowledging her generosity during these wonderful holidays.
I take it upon myself make sure all of the temporary store clerks that know nothing about their job receive a warm word about this glorious holiday. I am so patient while waiting when I hear their plea, "CSM register 6" and I am the second person in line behind the person that has an item that the UPC doesn't scan. And then when it is my turn after waiting 20 minutes she greets me with such a smiley "Happy Holidays." I share my joy by asking her. "Do you really know why the angel has a tree stuck up it's a$$?"
How can our house have exactly 27,652 square feet of wrapping paper stored in the closet and not 1/2 inch of scotch tape? Oh yea, I have Duck Tape in the garage!!!!!
Mom, why are you so stressed about decorations, cleaning the house and fixing food? I don't care if 18 people are going to be here on Christmas Day, if it ain't good enough the way we live every day then you need to keep it cleaner for me all the rest of the year. Who needs all this food, Taco Bell has 10 packs for take out!
What exactly do you mean that those new shirts are going to look so good on you? I got a bunch of new shirts in the '90's and there isn't a damn thing wrong with them. I already got 76 shirts hanging in the closet; why do I need new ones, besides not a single one of the new ones have Harley Davidson printed anywhere on them.
The big day finally arrives and the house is so full of joy, laughter and chatter. It is a shame that everyone else has forgotten the true meaning of this day, I CAN HARDLY HEAR THE ANNOUNCERS ON THE FOOTBALL GAME!
Merry F'ing Christmas to all. ;-)