I hope everyone found it interesting what the students ask and how I answered. After today's post I will answer any questions submitted by readers. There is one question in the comment of the first set of questions I will answer and if anyone else has question please feel free to leave them in the comments or e-mail me directly.
7. What is the hardest part about living with an addict?
The
fear. Every single time the phone rang or doorbell rang there was a twisting
fear inside you scared that this was “the call.”
In
fact the only time his mother and I felt any peace would be when he was in jail
or prison. During that time we knew where he was and that he was being watched.
8. How do you stay positive?
You
must have lifeboats. That is what I call those things that allow you to
remember that you have a life too. I wrote about my lifeboats on my blog. http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2009/01/lifeboats.html
It’s
like on an airplane when the attendant gives that speech that no one listens
too about oxygen masts. “In case of a loss of cabin pressure an oxygen mask
will drop down. For those of you traveling with small children secure your mask
first and then place the mask on your child.”
If
you do not save yourself first you cannot save others.
May
I take the liberty to change your question slightly? How
do you maintain hope?
Hope
is very dangerous when misplaced. Once I had pretty much lost hope and someone
told me “Where there is life there is hope.” Easy to say and comforting to hear
but then reality is snapped back and you realize your son is suffering from
what can be a fatal disease. Then I thought more about what hope really is as
it relates to life. You can read it here: http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2011/03/where-there-is-life-there-is-hope.html
There are times you can’t be positive and maintain hope. When we found
out our son was speedballing. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speedball_(drug)) This is when his mother
and I began making his funeral preparations; we were just waiting on a body.
Speedballing is usually fatal. If you read about the famous people that die
from drug overdoses, many are from speedballing.
9. Did your son’s addiction affect your family
financially?
Financially
I DO NOT want a final total of monies expended. I do believe as far as direct
dollars it would be in the high five figures or low six figures. Indirect
monies spent on ourselves to try and make us feel better, “retail and beach
therapy”…… I do not want to know the total amount.
My
wife and I had good jobs that paid well. We were fortunate. I know people that
bankrupted themselves dealing with a child’s addiction, lost homes, cars and
retirements.
Addiction
and mental health is not accepted by many as a legitimate health issue, this
includes many insurance companies. Our health insurance at the time mandated no
more that 30 days treatment for addiction or mental health. 30 days of rehab is
accepted by most addiction professionals is not enough. Can you imagine what
would happen if insurance companies only allotted 30 days treatment for cancer,
heart disease or diabetes?
10. Did he show signs of addiction when he was younger?
Not sure how to answer this
question.
He was a normal kid. Played
video games, at five years old he thought he was Michelangelo of The Teenage
Mutant Turtles.
My son was very smart. Honor
rolls all through school. Math was simple, he took pre-calc and trig as a
sophomore in high school, that was the highest math class in our school and he
just breezed through the class.
He played sports, basketball
and football. He was a star on the forensics team and qualified for state.
Most times he was center of
attention. Our high school had about 800 students. He was one of the “cool”
kids everyone wanted to be his friend.
Guess I cannot understand
what signs you are looking for in this question. I am sorry.
Thank you all for allowing me
to share my story with you in this way. It hard and painful to share but it
must be done to battle the monster. Removing the stigma of addiction is the
first step in recovery and educating everyone that addiction can be beat.
Your questions brought
emotional moments back to the surface. Thank you for those painful
remembrances. It keeps me focused on the present and the gift I have in my son
today that we came so close to losing.
If you or other loved ones
have any other questions of a personal nature I’d be happy to discuss them with
you either through e-mail teamplayer@aol.com or by phone (913) 909-2810.
Sincerely,
Ron Grover
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