As everyone is preparing for their Independence Day celebrations on Monday the 4th it makes me think about last years events at our house. (a reserved chuckle here)
http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2010/07/recovering-from-4th-of-july.html
We are hoping for no repeat of last year.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Art of the Scam
I just finished visiting my mother. Physically she seems pretty good but the Alzheimer's is taking its toll on her. Sometimes she seems pretty good and decent and other days it is very confusing.
On the way home we stopped at the Quik Trip for gas. We were in Darlene's car and she was empty so I thought it better to fill her up tonight rather than her stopping on the way to work early tomorrow morning. I pulled into the pump and got out and was about to slide in my card and a Ranger pickup, kind of trashed, pulled in beside me and before I could finish sliding my car he didn't even get out of his truck he began his spiel. I don't know if he targeted me or not, we were in mom's Lexus so it probably didn't hurt.
His line was he was from Joplin, MO. In case you don't remember Joplin was the Missouri town almost destroyed by a tornado about a month ago. He told me that his alternator was out on his truck and he needed $7 to have enough money to get a new one and get home. I looked close for a minute at his truck then all of a sudden a guy at the pump right behind me that had heard the story ran up and handed this guy $30, a 20 and 10. Of course the thank you and bless you came pouring out of that truck. I looked closer he had said the alternator was out and his truck was about to die. Funny when I looked he had his foot on the brake and his brake lights were shining very bright. As soon as the guy that gave him the money turned his back to go bad to his truck the scammer turned the key and the starter spun like new. I'm not a mechanic but I have repaired my share of cars before and built my share of hot rods when I was a teenager. If the alternator was out and the truck was about to die then the battery would be the sole source of electrical power and at night when driving would kill that battery quick. No lights would burn brightly and no starter would spin like a top with a battery being drained from no alternator to recharge the battery. THIS GUY WAS SCAMMING!
I got back in the car when I finished filling up with gas and mom ask, "What did that guy want?" I relayed the story and her first response was, "Obviously that other guy had no experience dealing with an addict." She then wondered, "Why $7." We just figured that was probably pretty close to what a hit costs.
Our feeling then was how that guy was using the tragedy of all those poor people in Joplin that had lost everything they had and this guy was using their tragedy to soil their name and plight. But we know the story of what a scammer or addict will do to the generosity and kind heart of others.
On the way home we stopped at the Quik Trip for gas. We were in Darlene's car and she was empty so I thought it better to fill her up tonight rather than her stopping on the way to work early tomorrow morning. I pulled into the pump and got out and was about to slide in my card and a Ranger pickup, kind of trashed, pulled in beside me and before I could finish sliding my car he didn't even get out of his truck he began his spiel. I don't know if he targeted me or not, we were in mom's Lexus so it probably didn't hurt.
His line was he was from Joplin, MO. In case you don't remember Joplin was the Missouri town almost destroyed by a tornado about a month ago. He told me that his alternator was out on his truck and he needed $7 to have enough money to get a new one and get home. I looked close for a minute at his truck then all of a sudden a guy at the pump right behind me that had heard the story ran up and handed this guy $30, a 20 and 10. Of course the thank you and bless you came pouring out of that truck. I looked closer he had said the alternator was out and his truck was about to die. Funny when I looked he had his foot on the brake and his brake lights were shining very bright. As soon as the guy that gave him the money turned his back to go bad to his truck the scammer turned the key and the starter spun like new. I'm not a mechanic but I have repaired my share of cars before and built my share of hot rods when I was a teenager. If the alternator was out and the truck was about to die then the battery would be the sole source of electrical power and at night when driving would kill that battery quick. No lights would burn brightly and no starter would spin like a top with a battery being drained from no alternator to recharge the battery. THIS GUY WAS SCAMMING!
I got back in the car when I finished filling up with gas and mom ask, "What did that guy want?" I relayed the story and her first response was, "Obviously that other guy had no experience dealing with an addict." She then wondered, "Why $7." We just figured that was probably pretty close to what a hit costs.
Our feeling then was how that guy was using the tragedy of all those poor people in Joplin that had lost everything they had and this guy was using their tragedy to soil their name and plight. But we know the story of what a scammer or addict will do to the generosity and kind heart of others.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Parent Help Line
The Partnership at Drugfree.org is just beginning a new feature. It hasn't been officially introduced on their site yet but I have been ask to make some info available to anyone that needs to speak to someone about their situation.
The service is a confidential Parent Help Line where you can call toll free to ask questions about drugs, alcohol, addiction and any situations you don't know how to handle; or just need to talk with a professional about some situation involving drugs or alcohol.
The service is a confidential Parent Help Line where you can call toll free to ask questions about drugs, alcohol, addiction and any situations you don't know how to handle; or just need to talk with a professional about some situation involving drugs or alcohol.
PARENTS HELPLINE
1-855-DRUGFREE 855-378-4373
Monday, June 20, 2011
Clean on Father's Day
Want to see what clean and sober looks like on Father's Day,
and a granddaughter, too.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Father's Day Coming Around, again
WOW, it's been a while since I last posted anything and I can remember so well not too long ago there was a need inside me to write sometimes twice a day. I guess we are getting better here.
I have to believe for many, or at least for me, Father's Day is somewhat bittersweet. As a few people reading this may know my father died 30 years ago. So it isn't like I can say all the things I want to say or missed saying due to youthful inexperience in life. It just comes down to processing the learning and experience in my own way. Out of that I try to live a life of honor that respects not only my life but honors his legacy.
Out of my own experiences this father's day I am not dealing with or overly concerned about a crisis or emergency interrupting my day in fellowship with my family this Sunday. (maybe fools confidence)
However, my thoughts this year are not so reflective upon my own father and the lessons learned or missed but upon what does it mean to be a father. Wish I could share all the wisdom one needs to be a good father but I am still figuring that out. I'm not sure I'll get that equation right before I die but I'm working on it and I'm sure there is not one true answer to the equation either. All I can do is the best I can.
So for now all of us fathers can sit back on Sunday and enjoy our "designated" day. Meat on a blazing grill, we stand at the ready with a spatula in our hand and a smile on our face we can be on the top of the world no matter what the circumstances.
The horrors of years past are real. The not knowing if my son would live to another Father's Day can at times drive you to madness or paralyze you in fear. That is real for any parent of an addict but we need to remember it's not just the addict in our life that lives day to day. We all live that way. On no day are we guaranteed that when we see the sun rise that we will see the sun set. Father, mother, brother, sister no matter what you are or who you are it is your day every single day.
I have to believe for many, or at least for me, Father's Day is somewhat bittersweet. As a few people reading this may know my father died 30 years ago. So it isn't like I can say all the things I want to say or missed saying due to youthful inexperience in life. It just comes down to processing the learning and experience in my own way. Out of that I try to live a life of honor that respects not only my life but honors his legacy.
Out of my own experiences this father's day I am not dealing with or overly concerned about a crisis or emergency interrupting my day in fellowship with my family this Sunday. (maybe fools confidence)
However, my thoughts this year are not so reflective upon my own father and the lessons learned or missed but upon what does it mean to be a father. Wish I could share all the wisdom one needs to be a good father but I am still figuring that out. I'm not sure I'll get that equation right before I die but I'm working on it and I'm sure there is not one true answer to the equation either. All I can do is the best I can.
So for now all of us fathers can sit back on Sunday and enjoy our "designated" day. Meat on a blazing grill, we stand at the ready with a spatula in our hand and a smile on our face we can be on the top of the world no matter what the circumstances.
The horrors of years past are real. The not knowing if my son would live to another Father's Day can at times drive you to madness or paralyze you in fear. That is real for any parent of an addict but we need to remember it's not just the addict in our life that lives day to day. We all live that way. On no day are we guaranteed that when we see the sun rise that we will see the sun set. Father, mother, brother, sister no matter what you are or who you are it is your day every single day.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Nothing More Than A Personal Update
Nothing profound here today just a peace and happiness that is growing inside of me that has been gone for so long that I had forgotten about that place.
Alex works hard at work and it is such a point of pride for me to see where he is today. He goes out to lunch with the young guys at work. I don't worry these guys are straight up, I've worked with them for a few years and in fact actually hired them all. Alex seems to fit in perfectly.
He did his weekend in Douglas County last weekend. He went to court in another county on Monday, just got a fine, quite large but he isn't stressing. It seems like the only thing that is a priority for him is being a good dad to his girlfriends daughters and he will proudly show anyone that will look the ultrasound pictures of their baby due in August.
Maybe I shouldn't say something like this but it seems like once I lived in another life. There are memories and nightmares of that time but it truly seems like another lifetime ago. For Mom and I we were hurt badly but the healing for us has been nothing short of a miracle cure. When we let go we all came together.
Alex works hard at work and it is such a point of pride for me to see where he is today. He goes out to lunch with the young guys at work. I don't worry these guys are straight up, I've worked with them for a few years and in fact actually hired them all. Alex seems to fit in perfectly.
He did his weekend in Douglas County last weekend. He went to court in another county on Monday, just got a fine, quite large but he isn't stressing. It seems like the only thing that is a priority for him is being a good dad to his girlfriends daughters and he will proudly show anyone that will look the ultrasound pictures of their baby due in August.
Maybe I shouldn't say something like this but it seems like once I lived in another life. There are memories and nightmares of that time but it truly seems like another lifetime ago. For Mom and I we were hurt badly but the healing for us has been nothing short of a miracle cure. When we let go we all came together.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
There Will Be Another Crisis, I'm Skipping This One
With time to reflect I look back and think about my reactions to life parenting an active addict. As you all know each of us only have to change the names, our lives are the same. One crisis after another. Down time is nothing more than a pause to breathe before the next crisis.
In my way of thinking it was my role to react to each event. I'd worry that if we weren't in the middle of the crisis, the immediate crisis would cover all of us over and there would be no digging out of the mess. Like I said, does this sound familiar?
How do you take care of yourself? We all need downtime. I'm not talking about climbing aboard our lifeboats this time. I am talking about how do you process life when life is like a machine gun ready to cut you down at every move. It is not enough to work on ourselves when time allows. We have to take time purposely, selfishly regardless of the crisis of the moment.
I had to really work hard to figure out what worked for me. Each of us must figure out what is effective for us to maintain sanity in an insane world. What worked for me was writing. Writing organized my thoughts, affirmed my deliberations and my thoughts set my resolve in doing things that at times seemed contrary to my natural instincts as a father.
I heard these words from Darlene many times, "What are you doing on that damn blog now?!"
This blog was my therapy, my counselor and my meeting time all rolled into one. It was as if I was in an intense therapy session and each of you were in sitting in the room with me.
Living life as a parent of an addict I cannot stress how important it is to be selfish. Each of us MUST explore and find out what works for you. There is not a single answer that works for everyone. There is not a right or wrong because someone tells you this is how it is suppose to work. I'm not talking about dealing with addiction, I talking about how do you deal with yourself?
Go to a meeting, see a counselor or therapist, go to church or pray, deliberate, meditate, scream from the top of a mountain; just do something and do it regularly and it is most important to do it when it seems the crisis are never ending. It OK to skip a crisis, don't worry there will be another one real soon.
Most of the time I forgot to take care of myself, my inner self needed treatment as much as my son and if I didn't take that time I would surely become as sick as my son.
This is just a little reflection on my own actions over the past few years. The most important learning in our lives is the learning we have about ourselves.
In my way of thinking it was my role to react to each event. I'd worry that if we weren't in the middle of the crisis, the immediate crisis would cover all of us over and there would be no digging out of the mess. Like I said, does this sound familiar?
How do you take care of yourself? We all need downtime. I'm not talking about climbing aboard our lifeboats this time. I am talking about how do you process life when life is like a machine gun ready to cut you down at every move. It is not enough to work on ourselves when time allows. We have to take time purposely, selfishly regardless of the crisis of the moment.
I had to really work hard to figure out what worked for me. Each of us must figure out what is effective for us to maintain sanity in an insane world. What worked for me was writing. Writing organized my thoughts, affirmed my deliberations and my thoughts set my resolve in doing things that at times seemed contrary to my natural instincts as a father.
I heard these words from Darlene many times, "What are you doing on that damn blog now?!"
This blog was my therapy, my counselor and my meeting time all rolled into one. It was as if I was in an intense therapy session and each of you were in sitting in the room with me.
Living life as a parent of an addict I cannot stress how important it is to be selfish. Each of us MUST explore and find out what works for you. There is not a single answer that works for everyone. There is not a right or wrong because someone tells you this is how it is suppose to work. I'm not talking about dealing with addiction, I talking about how do you deal with yourself?
Go to a meeting, see a counselor or therapist, go to church or pray, deliberate, meditate, scream from the top of a mountain; just do something and do it regularly and it is most important to do it when it seems the crisis are never ending. It OK to skip a crisis, don't worry there will be another one real soon.
Most of the time I forgot to take care of myself, my inner self needed treatment as much as my son and if I didn't take that time I would surely become as sick as my son.
This is just a little reflection on my own actions over the past few years. The most important learning in our lives is the learning we have about ourselves.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Freedom
On Tuesday Alex was released from the county jail here in Leavenworth. He still has to do a weekend in another county but we all think that should be his last but you never know when you still have court dates to attend.
I am proud of him. Some may question, "How can you be proud, he just got out of jail?" Those would be the people not familiar with addiction and what it does to a person. They don't understand that some illegal activities are symptoms of addiction. Addiction is the real problem, not the activities. But when you do the crime you gotta do the time.
Jail time comes and goes. This was not his first time behind bars. Despite what some may believe jail isn't a cure for addiction. Jail may facilitate time to reflect and think but that in itself does not ensure recovery. Time and time again behind bars will attest to jail wasn't the solution. It may be a piece of the puzzle to a larger solution but to anyone that has ever put together a 1000 piece puzzle knows that without the larger picture you are fighting a losing battle.
His profound experience? I don't know for sure. That is his private strength, it matters only to him. What matters to me is I have what appears to be a lost son that has found his way home.
ps.: Please go here, say hi and give a mom a hug: My Beautiful Son - The Addict
I am proud of him. Some may question, "How can you be proud, he just got out of jail?" Those would be the people not familiar with addiction and what it does to a person. They don't understand that some illegal activities are symptoms of addiction. Addiction is the real problem, not the activities. But when you do the crime you gotta do the time.
Jail time comes and goes. This was not his first time behind bars. Despite what some may believe jail isn't a cure for addiction. Jail may facilitate time to reflect and think but that in itself does not ensure recovery. Time and time again behind bars will attest to jail wasn't the solution. It may be a piece of the puzzle to a larger solution but to anyone that has ever put together a 1000 piece puzzle knows that without the larger picture you are fighting a losing battle.
His profound experience? I don't know for sure. That is his private strength, it matters only to him. What matters to me is I have what appears to be a lost son that has found his way home.
ps.: Please go here, say hi and give a mom a hug: My Beautiful Son - The Addict
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Rock Chalk, Jayhawk, Go KU
Our daughter, KU Graduation Ceremonies, 2011.
Erica Jana Grover-Woodbury
Masters of Nursing, Kansas University
Erica Jana Grover-Woodbury
Masters of Nursing, Kansas University
Friday, May 20, 2011
Living Our Own Life
I know we aren't suppose to allow the actions of our children to dictate our reactions and what type of moods it puts on us but this weekend I am going to throw that out the window.
Two daughters, one graduating with her Masters Degree on Sunday from KU. The other one is nothing short of an amazing mother to our granddaughter.
A son that is being released on Tuesday that is a pleasure to be around. Nothing less that an miraculous change from less than one year ago.
Dad and Mom are proud parents of three great children and son/daughter in-laws.
Two daughters, one graduating with her Masters Degree on Sunday from KU. The other one is nothing short of an amazing mother to our granddaughter.
A son that is being released on Tuesday that is a pleasure to be around. Nothing less that an miraculous change from less than one year ago.
Dad and Mom are proud parents of three great children and son/daughter in-laws.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Answering Comments
In my "Excitement" post a couple of comments ask the question how do you know this it it?
The first thing this is how I chose to feel. I heard and bought into the promises before. Each time I was disappointed and hurt when the path was the same. Every time I looked at myself and ask the questions of "Why?" and "What did I learn?" Of course I was only able to seriously consider those questions after the anger and hurt subsided. My hope was each time of hurt and disappointment not only did I learn and become one step closer avoiding the hurt and anger but Alex also became one step closer to his time.
What do I see different? The actions match the words. There is no constant promises of sobriety, there are actions that demonstrate change, done privately and without announcement.
I am letting go of the past. Nothing I can do to change the sidewalk behind me. I can only shape today and tomorrow. Holding on to past hurts and disappointments is not healthy for me but I believe if I don't let it go and keep "reminding" Alex of his past disappointments it would be easier for him to live down to my disappointments. I've always been a believer in setting high expectations and getting out of the way because most people will surpass anything you can imagine. Of course if a person has an active disease such as addiction all those bets are off.
I guess the best answer to the comments is this learning. In the past I often let circumstances control my temper and emotions. My son's addiction has taught me a very valuable lesson. I don't have to go where I do not choose to go. I can choose to be sad or happy, I can accept hurt or put into place shields the mitigate the pain. I am not responsible for others actions or words, my responsibility is controlling how their actions and words affect me.
If Alex relapses, I've been there before. I am smarter about addiction and myself than I was yesterday. I am making a conscious choice to live today and accept him in his sobriety, for as long as it lasts, tomorrow or forever. Today he gets every bit of love, confidence and help that his sisters get. In my mind I am not willing to punish him because of his disease.
The first thing this is how I chose to feel. I heard and bought into the promises before. Each time I was disappointed and hurt when the path was the same. Every time I looked at myself and ask the questions of "Why?" and "What did I learn?" Of course I was only able to seriously consider those questions after the anger and hurt subsided. My hope was each time of hurt and disappointment not only did I learn and become one step closer avoiding the hurt and anger but Alex also became one step closer to his time.
What do I see different? The actions match the words. There is no constant promises of sobriety, there are actions that demonstrate change, done privately and without announcement.
I am letting go of the past. Nothing I can do to change the sidewalk behind me. I can only shape today and tomorrow. Holding on to past hurts and disappointments is not healthy for me but I believe if I don't let it go and keep "reminding" Alex of his past disappointments it would be easier for him to live down to my disappointments. I've always been a believer in setting high expectations and getting out of the way because most people will surpass anything you can imagine. Of course if a person has an active disease such as addiction all those bets are off.
I guess the best answer to the comments is this learning. In the past I often let circumstances control my temper and emotions. My son's addiction has taught me a very valuable lesson. I don't have to go where I do not choose to go. I can choose to be sad or happy, I can accept hurt or put into place shields the mitigate the pain. I am not responsible for others actions or words, my responsibility is controlling how their actions and words affect me.
If Alex relapses, I've been there before. I am smarter about addiction and myself than I was yesterday. I am making a conscious choice to live today and accept him in his sobriety, for as long as it lasts, tomorrow or forever. Today he gets every bit of love, confidence and help that his sisters get. In my mind I am not willing to punish him because of his disease.
Do You Believe In Jinx
For some people when things are going well nothing is to be said about the good conditions or expected good fortune. Mom is one of those people, she says that if something good is to happen don't talk about it or you will jinx it. I'm about to jinx the week ahead.
In one week our oldest daughter will "walk the hill" in Lawrence, KS. A few years ago she graduated with her Bachelors of Science in Nursing from Baker University in Baldwin, KS. Since that time she has worked and she went to school in the evenings. Next Sunday she will graduate with a Master of Science in Nursing, majoring in Organizational Leadership and Management from Kansas University. Mom and Dad are proud. She was the first person in our family to ever go to college and graduate. She is the first to get a Masters Degree.
Alex is down to eight days. He will be released a week from Tuesday. We are sad that he can't be a part of this celebration next weekend but we are just as proud of him with his changes. He and his girlfriend have already got a townhouse set up for them to live when he is released. The doctors say the baby is on track and healthy, still due mid August. Alex is nearly unrecognizable from one year ago. His speech has changed, his attitude is bright, his behaviors are of a person dedicated to success and even his physical appearance shows a sign of health.
I just had to share my good feelings about the near future to come. Well I guess the jinx has been activated. It's all my fault.
In one week our oldest daughter will "walk the hill" in Lawrence, KS. A few years ago she graduated with her Bachelors of Science in Nursing from Baker University in Baldwin, KS. Since that time she has worked and she went to school in the evenings. Next Sunday she will graduate with a Master of Science in Nursing, majoring in Organizational Leadership and Management from Kansas University. Mom and Dad are proud. She was the first person in our family to ever go to college and graduate. She is the first to get a Masters Degree.
Alex is down to eight days. He will be released a week from Tuesday. We are sad that he can't be a part of this celebration next weekend but we are just as proud of him with his changes. He and his girlfriend have already got a townhouse set up for them to live when he is released. The doctors say the baby is on track and healthy, still due mid August. Alex is nearly unrecognizable from one year ago. His speech has changed, his attitude is bright, his behaviors are of a person dedicated to success and even his physical appearance shows a sign of health.
I just had to share my good feelings about the near future to come. Well I guess the jinx has been activated. It's all my fault.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Containing My Excitement
Two weeks from today Alex will be released. It is good to see him each day picking him up at the jail for work and taking him back but I think both he an I both share the excitement of his release.
I know he wants out. Just thinking out loud, what would be more miserable, being in jail can't wait to get out to use again or being in jail and can't wait to get out to begin a new life? I ask, Alex says this time it is waiting on starting his new life.
I know why I am so excited and I have told him many times. I can't wait to have him free to be with all of the family again to share all the good times, we all miss him so much. Six months seems like such a long time to the end of over 7 years.
To all those parents reading this and being so jealous and angry that I am writing about this event I know how you feel. For so many years Darlene and I would get so jealous and angry, yelling and crying, why can't we have a son that can be like that??!!! Our sincerest wish for every mom and dad, your day will come.
For some strange reason inside I keep getting pulled to and have gone back to this post many times in last few weeks, Tuesday, July 20, 2010. http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2010/07/cant-think-of-title.html This post was less than one year ago. Everyday the sun rises we get a new chance. One day at a time. Find a way to enjoy what is today, somehow, some way.
Where there is life there is hope.
I know he wants out. Just thinking out loud, what would be more miserable, being in jail can't wait to get out to use again or being in jail and can't wait to get out to begin a new life? I ask, Alex says this time it is waiting on starting his new life.
I know why I am so excited and I have told him many times. I can't wait to have him free to be with all of the family again to share all the good times, we all miss him so much. Six months seems like such a long time to the end of over 7 years.
To all those parents reading this and being so jealous and angry that I am writing about this event I know how you feel. For so many years Darlene and I would get so jealous and angry, yelling and crying, why can't we have a son that can be like that??!!! Our sincerest wish for every mom and dad, your day will come.
For some strange reason inside I keep getting pulled to and have gone back to this post many times in last few weeks, Tuesday, July 20, 2010. http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2010/07/cant-think-of-title.html This post was less than one year ago. Everyday the sun rises we get a new chance. One day at a time. Find a way to enjoy what is today, somehow, some way.
Where there is life there is hope.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Why Do We Link Blogs and Follow?
This morning when I was getting ready for work I looked and there was new follower of our blog, Jane. Jane clicked on the follow button and there was her identification. So naturally I checked her profile and saw that she had just began writing her frustrations, anger and heartache in a blog.
It's not that long ago that I began An Addict In Our Son's Bedroom. First a of couple comments and then more and more people read our blog and I read others blogs and the feeling of doom and despair began to subside. We began to feel a comfort that we weren't the only people that had ever been on this path. We gained advice and reassurance from strangers that were soon to become friends.
That is why we link our blogs. I'm sure many of you have experienced the same thing.
We may travel this path individually but we are never alone.
It's not that long ago that I began An Addict In Our Son's Bedroom. First a of couple comments and then more and more people read our blog and I read others blogs and the feeling of doom and despair began to subside. We began to feel a comfort that we weren't the only people that had ever been on this path. We gained advice and reassurance from strangers that were soon to become friends.
That is why we link our blogs. I'm sure many of you have experienced the same thing.
We may travel this path individually but we are never alone.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Life Clean Sometimes Sucks
This is not a negative post, it is a reality check for us parents (me) tip toeing around our son's recovery.
It's hard to watch my son struggle with the problems associated with real life. We want to reach out and "fix" all of those problems. We feel this way because of our fear that bumps in the road will send them into the ditch and we are so fearful of that past life again that no problem within our power to correct is worth that experience for us again. But, just as I imagine an addict in recovery at times must fight the urges to use we must fight the urges to fall back into our old life too. It's a matter of taking a breath and remembering my role as a father and role model, not as dad to fix everything.
It's rewarding to watch my son struggle with the problems associated with real life. He is fixing problems where in the past he would have responded by, "F it, I'm getting high." Bumps in the road are his to experience. It would be selfish of me to ride in on my white horse and solve all of the problems just to steal the pride and be the hero. It's time for my son to experience that pride and be his own hero.
Being the parent of an addict in recovery has its own internal struggles with self but I wouldn't trade them for the world.
It's hard to watch my son struggle with the problems associated with real life. We want to reach out and "fix" all of those problems. We feel this way because of our fear that bumps in the road will send them into the ditch and we are so fearful of that past life again that no problem within our power to correct is worth that experience for us again. But, just as I imagine an addict in recovery at times must fight the urges to use we must fight the urges to fall back into our old life too. It's a matter of taking a breath and remembering my role as a father and role model, not as dad to fix everything.
It's rewarding to watch my son struggle with the problems associated with real life. He is fixing problems where in the past he would have responded by, "F it, I'm getting high." Bumps in the road are his to experience. It would be selfish of me to ride in on my white horse and solve all of the problems just to steal the pride and be the hero. It's time for my son to experience that pride and be his own hero.
Being the parent of an addict in recovery has its own internal struggles with self but I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Spoke To Kids Today
Just an update of how the day went. You can't believe the responses of the kids. Multiple kids came to the front when the bell rang and thanked me personally for coming today. I had kids talk to me after class about personal issues and they took my card with my blog and contact info.
A special thank you goes out to The Partnership at Drugfree.org. I requested if they had any material I could use on the projector during class breaks. They sent me a DVD of the brand new, yet to be shown on TV, Public Service Announcements that will be used in 2011. They played like a loop between classes and as kids came into class they were fixed on watching the PSA's. Informally in my opinion they liked the 911 and Self Surgery spots the best. Maybe I have said too much, just watch for they these this year on TV. The PSA's were focused on parents talking to kids about drugs, maybe we need some focused how do kids talk to parents too. So many ideas to try, I hope I don't wear out The Partnership and make them sorry they ask me to be a Parent Ambassador.
The kids were so attentive, no heads on desks, questions from all classes. One class, the teacher said she couldn't believe the way they acted, they are never that intense in class. The teacher told me I really do make an impact on her classes, the kids talk about in class and to others.
When I do these talks it makes me feel like I am healing inside.
The biggest and best bonus was when I got back to the office. Alex came to my office and ask very seriously, "How'd it go today, dad?" I told him it went very well. He exhibited true excitement for me that it went well, smiled and told me I was doing a good thing.
A special thank you goes out to The Partnership at Drugfree.org. I requested if they had any material I could use on the projector during class breaks. They sent me a DVD of the brand new, yet to be shown on TV, Public Service Announcements that will be used in 2011. They played like a loop between classes and as kids came into class they were fixed on watching the PSA's. Informally in my opinion they liked the 911 and Self Surgery spots the best. Maybe I have said too much, just watch for they these this year on TV. The PSA's were focused on parents talking to kids about drugs, maybe we need some focused how do kids talk to parents too. So many ideas to try, I hope I don't wear out The Partnership and make them sorry they ask me to be a Parent Ambassador.
The kids were so attentive, no heads on desks, questions from all classes. One class, the teacher said she couldn't believe the way they acted, they are never that intense in class. The teacher told me I really do make an impact on her classes, the kids talk about in class and to others.
When I do these talks it makes me feel like I am healing inside.
The biggest and best bonus was when I got back to the office. Alex came to my office and ask very seriously, "How'd it go today, dad?" I told him it went very well. He exhibited true excitement for me that it went well, smiled and told me I was doing a good thing.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Speaking at Shawnee Mission West Tomorrow
I have been invited in to speak with students tomorrow about the effect drugs and addiction has on a person and a family.
I will be at Shawnee Mission West High School in Overland Park, KS.
I will be at Shawnee Mission West High School in Overland Park, KS.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Giving Up Our Dreams
It’s worse than going to the dentist with a toothache; giving up on our dreams for our children. Why is it so hard when we stare reality in the face every day that we hold on to those hopes and dreams?
The day our kids are born we start making plans. We start squirreling away money into college accounts. We dream of smiling proudly as our child graciously strides across the stage at graduation. Nice, neat little homes in the suburbs with our grandchildren playing in the yard. Some of us even have the audacity to picture ourselves in the front row during inauguration on a cold January day in Washington.
It’s all possible for anyone.
Then we snap out of our dream and see our child addicted to a drug and wonder if the future is even possible. We mourn the loss of our dream. We experience suffering for our child because in our life and wisdom we know the hardship of life even without being saddled with addiction. We cry, become depressed and grieve this fading picture. Never really giving up the hope that all of the past will go away and we all get a “do over”.
Finally, after months or years we realize that today is all we get and tomorrow can be just as fearful as it can be hopeful.
The next phase of our realization begins to become clear. These dreams were ours. That is why the pain is so great. We feel our dream slipping away. It’s such a shame we have imposed our dream upon our child and we see their addiction as a failure to achieve our dream. Oh, I’m sorry, I mean "reach their potential" is the way we say it as parents.
All I wish for now is that my son has dreams of his own for himself. His dreams and goals are his own, I don’t have to own them and I am not responsible for his success or failures.
My hopes and dreams now are that I can be a better father than a parent and that I will be regarded by some little ones as the best grandpa in the world.
…..The world of what is versus what ought to be.
The day our kids are born we start making plans. We start squirreling away money into college accounts. We dream of smiling proudly as our child graciously strides across the stage at graduation. Nice, neat little homes in the suburbs with our grandchildren playing in the yard. Some of us even have the audacity to picture ourselves in the front row during inauguration on a cold January day in Washington.
It’s all possible for anyone.
Then we snap out of our dream and see our child addicted to a drug and wonder if the future is even possible. We mourn the loss of our dream. We experience suffering for our child because in our life and wisdom we know the hardship of life even without being saddled with addiction. We cry, become depressed and grieve this fading picture. Never really giving up the hope that all of the past will go away and we all get a “do over”.
Finally, after months or years we realize that today is all we get and tomorrow can be just as fearful as it can be hopeful.
The next phase of our realization begins to become clear. These dreams were ours. That is why the pain is so great. We feel our dream slipping away. It’s such a shame we have imposed our dream upon our child and we see their addiction as a failure to achieve our dream. Oh, I’m sorry, I mean "reach their potential" is the way we say it as parents.
All I wish for now is that my son has dreams of his own for himself. His dreams and goals are his own, I don’t have to own them and I am not responsible for his success or failures.
My hopes and dreams now are that I can be a better father than a parent and that I will be regarded by some little ones as the best grandpa in the world.
…..The world of what is versus what ought to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
