It was quite a Monday evening and the soreness is gone in the muscle under my arm. 53 year old men should not be wrestling with 21 year old men. Although I do have a weight advantage, I'll have to remember in the future we are not in the same weight class so I shouldn't engage. LOL
Our son is in jail now on a paraphernalia charge in Leavenworth County. Yesterday he had a regularly scheduled meeting with his probation officer. This is the same one I spoke with and have been working with as noted in previous posts. At 10:30 was his meeting so because our son was in jail I went to his scheduled meeting and had a face to face with the PO. After hearing all the circumstances the PO developed a plan and wanted to know if I would help and if I bought into the plan.
The plan is that Alex needs to get out of jail. When he is released if needed he needs to go to a detox in Johnson County if they have space. Which they do I just called. After detox Alex must voluntarily submit himself to the Johnson County residential center for 6 months. After that we go from there. The key was Alex buying into this plan.
Yesterday afternoon I spent with the Leavenworth County Sheriff discussing my son and his situation. I found a sheriff very sympathetic and compassionate to this plan. When I went to discuss this I had no idea if would would find a sheriff in the model of Andy Taylor or Boss Hoss, I must watch way too much TV. The sheriff was a model of Andy Taylor, good old Mayberry must still be alive out there.
The sheriff got a meeting with the DA, his undersheriff and I. We all four had a discussion about Alex and the plan worked out with the PO from Johnson County. All in the meeting agreed that would be a very good plan if Alex agreed, which he did after I had a discussion with him at the jail visitor center. So LV Cty is going to drop all charges on the paraphernalia and kick him loose at 9:30 tonight. I must be there to pick him up. Alex must then call the detox for a quick 5 minute phone screening and I will take him straight to detox. The PO is going to the detox tomorrow to speak with Alex personally about the residential center. His admittance to the residential has been walked through the system by the PO and approval has been given for this plan by the "powers that be".
There is a plan, Alex says he is bought into the plan. The rest is completely up to him. Fingers crossed, and here is that old nugget of hope. I never give up but I better understand this time the responsibility is on Alex, I only have to help like this when I want to help.
ps.: What was so re-assuring or surpising was discussing this with the sheriff he admitted jail doesn't work for addiction. He said jail was his only tool so that is what he has to use. He was happy that I found another option, his opinion was that he didn't want our addicts in there any more than we want them in there. The sheriff is an elected position, I can only assume if he took a public stand like that he be branded soft instead of intelligent and re-election would just be a dream. Wish I had an answer for that.
Showing posts with label parents of an addict. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents of an addict. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Tired and Very Sore This Morning
Here we go again. End of last week the bizarre behavior began again. I knew, but didn't want to go there but eventually the problem comes to you.
Last night mom uncovered the kit again. All the normal stuff, soot covered spoons, needles, wipes just the standard crap. We were on our way to bed. I fact I was already in bed. Mom confronted him and it began to get ugly fast. I was out of bed and when I got to his room everything was evident, even with his lies about it being old stuff. he persisted in his lies even when told him we search this room and the bathroom, where he said it came from, all the time. Just about every time he is gone. I know for a fact the stuff wasn't there last week, I had looked.
We knew something was up, the phone had been ringing off the hook last night.
I got angry, it's that anger that only parents of an addict knows. It's boiling over anger that is supercharged with frustration, lies and fear. I told him he could not live here any more. Told him I am not living with an addict and his shit any more. He was angry and began putting on his shoes. Mom told him to at least pack a bag of clothes and stuff if he was leaving now. He said he didn't need it that he was going to be dead by tomorrow.
My child protective defenses kicked in, told him he was not leaving and he said he was. I had to try and physically restrain him at the same time calling 911. We wrestled until he finally broke free. I felt it was a life of death struggle and fought like it too. He kept telling me to stop that he didn't want to hurt me.
He broke free and ran, got about 100 yards away and stopped. He came back. He knew the cops were coming and it was going to end badly for him but I do have to give him credit he came back.
We went back upstairs and the arguing started again, we were all shouting and about that time the cops got there. Came in with guns drawn and made us come outside. Settled down then. Mom and dad filled out statements. Alex gave them permission to get the paraphernalia from his room so he will be charged with paraphernalia and he was taken to jail.
Cops told dad that if he wanted to press charges for me restraining him I could have been taken to jail too but he is not pressing charges and they are not taking dad into custody under the circumstances. What a totally screwed up world it is that through all this if he had not let them in his room, I could have went to jail in cuffs and he could have walked.
We have a lot to contemplate. Better seems only to be a temporary condition, using appears to be the norm. Next step? He cannot live here, it is unhealthy/dangerous for us and him.
Last night mom uncovered the kit again. All the normal stuff, soot covered spoons, needles, wipes just the standard crap. We were on our way to bed. I fact I was already in bed. Mom confronted him and it began to get ugly fast. I was out of bed and when I got to his room everything was evident, even with his lies about it being old stuff. he persisted in his lies even when told him we search this room and the bathroom, where he said it came from, all the time. Just about every time he is gone. I know for a fact the stuff wasn't there last week, I had looked.
We knew something was up, the phone had been ringing off the hook last night.
I got angry, it's that anger that only parents of an addict knows. It's boiling over anger that is supercharged with frustration, lies and fear. I told him he could not live here any more. Told him I am not living with an addict and his shit any more. He was angry and began putting on his shoes. Mom told him to at least pack a bag of clothes and stuff if he was leaving now. He said he didn't need it that he was going to be dead by tomorrow.
My child protective defenses kicked in, told him he was not leaving and he said he was. I had to try and physically restrain him at the same time calling 911. We wrestled until he finally broke free. I felt it was a life of death struggle and fought like it too. He kept telling me to stop that he didn't want to hurt me.
He broke free and ran, got about 100 yards away and stopped. He came back. He knew the cops were coming and it was going to end badly for him but I do have to give him credit he came back.
We went back upstairs and the arguing started again, we were all shouting and about that time the cops got there. Came in with guns drawn and made us come outside. Settled down then. Mom and dad filled out statements. Alex gave them permission to get the paraphernalia from his room so he will be charged with paraphernalia and he was taken to jail.
Cops told dad that if he wanted to press charges for me restraining him I could have been taken to jail too but he is not pressing charges and they are not taking dad into custody under the circumstances. What a totally screwed up world it is that through all this if he had not let them in his room, I could have went to jail in cuffs and he could have walked.
We have a lot to contemplate. Better seems only to be a temporary condition, using appears to be the norm. Next step? He cannot live here, it is unhealthy/dangerous for us and him.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Someone Else Needing Help
ChaiLatte has been writing me about her 21 year old son who is a heroin addict and currently "couch surfing". She has now started her own blog. If you get a chance look it over and if you have anything for her I know she is open for help.
http://www.prayingformyson.blogspot.com/
http://www.prayingformyson.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Turning on the Good Radar
At times it is so hard to see the good. I have become so accustomed to look for the bad and be suspicious that most the effort my son exerts to becoming clean and working his way towards normal is missed.
I know it must be a struggle to overcome an addiction. I have to believe that we all would hate to give up something that we like, asking an addict to give up drugs seems easy to me but it must be a tremendous challenge. Guess that is why the "one day at a time" is so critical. I take for granted and make assumptions about what I believe he should be or what he should be doing. This only makes my life more stressful. I have to remember to reward accomplishment and not spend so time being critical of meaningless things just because they do not fit within my picture. My picture is not his picture. Meaningful change takes place over time, I've been looking for that switch to throw that changes everything for 5 years. There is no switch.
I have to become aware of the successes of his that I take for granted, and acknowledge them. I must put away my assumptions and temper my expectations. I will do this for a selfish reason, it will make my life better.
Last night he went out with a couple of his new friends. Now they are all over 21 years old. They went to a bar and my son did not drink. He came home early.
I know it must be a struggle to overcome an addiction. I have to believe that we all would hate to give up something that we like, asking an addict to give up drugs seems easy to me but it must be a tremendous challenge. Guess that is why the "one day at a time" is so critical. I take for granted and make assumptions about what I believe he should be or what he should be doing. This only makes my life more stressful. I have to remember to reward accomplishment and not spend so time being critical of meaningless things just because they do not fit within my picture. My picture is not his picture. Meaningful change takes place over time, I've been looking for that switch to throw that changes everything for 5 years. There is no switch.
I have to become aware of the successes of his that I take for granted, and acknowledge them. I must put away my assumptions and temper my expectations. I will do this for a selfish reason, it will make my life better.
Last night he went out with a couple of his new friends. Now they are all over 21 years old. They went to a bar and my son did not drink. He came home early.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Fear and Suspicion
As our son works on his sobriety I wanted our life to become more normal. But I am finding what we have to work on is our damages also. I am an impatient person. Anyone that knows me will second that comment. I credit my impatience to most of my successes but to most of my shortcomings also.
We want our life back now. But it doesn't work that way. As he works on his sobriety we still have all of the doubts, suspicions and fear. These are emotions that we have been trained to exhibit through 6 years of his addiction.
My natural inclination is to be a trusting person. I have always credited that to being, I was too lazy to not be trusting. Justification was that everyone was deserving of trust, because to not trust meant systems and behaviors had to be developed to protect myself and things. I don't wish to expend the time and energy to be distrustful. However, living with an addict forces you to be distrustful even of someone that lives in your own home where safety and security should be a given. I am still finding tools and things that are missing from when he would take them and sell them because of his drugs. That is frustrating. I have ask for a listing of things from him that he did and took but he has never come forward. If I had an idea of what to expect I could drop it and get over it but as it is now each thing I find missing drags up anger and frustration. When does it all end? I know it must be hard on him to re-hash all of this stuff but it is hard on us too.
Fear of him using again is always on our mind. That leads to the suspicion and those behaviors we want to leave by the wayside but it seems so impossible at times.
We want our life back now. But it doesn't work that way. As he works on his sobriety we still have all of the doubts, suspicions and fear. These are emotions that we have been trained to exhibit through 6 years of his addiction.
My natural inclination is to be a trusting person. I have always credited that to being, I was too lazy to not be trusting. Justification was that everyone was deserving of trust, because to not trust meant systems and behaviors had to be developed to protect myself and things. I don't wish to expend the time and energy to be distrustful. However, living with an addict forces you to be distrustful even of someone that lives in your own home where safety and security should be a given. I am still finding tools and things that are missing from when he would take them and sell them because of his drugs. That is frustrating. I have ask for a listing of things from him that he did and took but he has never come forward. If I had an idea of what to expect I could drop it and get over it but as it is now each thing I find missing drags up anger and frustration. When does it all end? I know it must be hard on him to re-hash all of this stuff but it is hard on us too.
Fear of him using again is always on our mind. That leads to the suspicion and those behaviors we want to leave by the wayside but it seems so impossible at times.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Introducing Mom
Mom's picture is now on our post. We aren't really looking our best but I think the happiness of our new granddaughter overcomes. We got a call about 10:30 at night that she was coming and of course off to the hospital we go. As you can see faintly through the shutters, sunlight is coming through. Up all night but it was worth it.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Mom is Home
Mom arrived home from Mexico last night. She said it was slow getting through customs but other than that everything is OK. None of the vacationers had any problem. Although as a precaution her doctor wants her to take Tamiflu for 10 days.
She is not sick, and saw no sick people in the area she was vacationing. They did not even know there was a problem until a couple days ago. By the time they left the resorts were emptying out and the cruise lines were not coming into port so the locals were beginning to hurt economically.
She is not sick, and saw no sick people in the area she was vacationing. They did not even know there was a problem until a couple days ago. By the time they left the resorts were emptying out and the cruise lines were not coming into port so the locals were beginning to hurt economically.
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