Today I gathered up enough guts to see the movie Beautiful Boy.
My history with this story goes back many, many years. I can still remember clear as day, we were at a Starbucks with friends for coffee and the book was a new release. Starbucks had it right at the register, something like a "book of the month" type display. As I got coffee I picked up the book and bought it too. At that time we were in the midst of our own struggle with our son addicted to drugs.
Immediately my wife and I began reading the book. Sometimes I became anxious because she was actively reading it and was anxious to get started. When she put it down I got my chance. Furiously began reading and after about 60 pages I put the book down. Darlene inquired why I stopped reading. The answer was simple to me. I didn't need to read this book I was living this life.
There was not room in my heart for another or more hurt. I already hurt enough.
I never finished the book.
Today Darlene and I went together to see the movie, Beautiful Boy. For those not familiar it is about the struggles of David and Nic Sheff. Nic became addicted to crystal meth and David was a struggling father.
The story is riveting, particularly if you have a loved one suffering with addiction.
Yes, the movie was hard to watch. There are tough scenes of Nic shooting up, the touching moments of love between David and Nic and the struggles of how a life and death struggle affects every single person loving a person struggling in life addicted to drugs.
Throughout the movie I re-lived the struggle of David. I was David, I am the father, I struggled every minute, awake and asleep searching for an answer. Every time I heard David whisper "everything" I heard myself whispering, "I believe in you."
One thing I noticed was how David used writing to cope with and understand what was happening. He and I shared this experience, my salvation in this struggle was also writing.
As I watched I kept waiting for that moment when the movie translated the deepest valley and worst hurt onto the silver screen. No matter how good the writing and acting I come to realize there is no way that level of pain and hurt can be realized on a movie screen. That level of pain and hurt loving an addict can only be in a heart.
Go see the movie.
I thought about what this movie has meant to me. I'm 62 years old, nearly 20 years of my life I have been in one of these phases, parent of and active addict, parent recovery and advocacy. That's nearly a third of my life I have devoted to the monster. A fellow blogger that is a fantastic read, Annette wrote a great essay about this very subject this week. (click on her name to be taken to her essay) She said it well. We are in different places right now but we both grew and learned together reading and counseling each other.
I don't know David and Nic Sheff personally, but I feel close. We shared an experience. At the end of the movie on the screen a written fact flashed in black and white, "Nic Sheff has been clear and sober for 8 years." My son has been clear and sober since July 2010, eight years.
Where there is life there is hope. Never, ever stop loving and never, ever stop believing.
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7 comments:
I saw the movie and lived the same experience. Unfortunately, my son didn't have the happy ending and we lost him in 2011 at the age of 22. But I celebrate every success story. You're right...where there is life, there is hope. I've seen it and I praise God for every one who makes it. I will spend the rest of my life working to save other parents from ultimate nightmare. I'm so happy your son is one of the survivors!
Thank you Pam for such a heartfelt and I'm difficult comment to write.
Ron Glover, My husband and I saw Beautiful Boy yesterday afternoon. We met David Sheff when his book first came out. Our son is currently close to the top of the roller coaster high point. He is 90 days “ clean” ( how I hate that word) and the son we raised and love. We adopted him as a newborn after thirteen years of Infert. We had fifteen years of normalcy and then climbed into the front seat of the world’s most precious roller coaster. Ironically, our broader experience of our sons on-again, off-again drug use is probably resonant with the highs and lows he, too, experienced. Yesterday, I was a speaker at a close friend’s Memorial service. The hardest part of the service was that there was a slide-show of her life including photos of friends and family. One of the photos was of my son as a boy playing in my friend’s pool years before his addiction began. It just about killed me to see the photo pop up in the sentimental loop over and over again. Watching Beautiful Boy what resonated most with my heart was the anguished statement by the mother whose son had just died of overdose. She stated what has been the horrific truth for me and my husband. We have been in an active state of grief for twenty years. Thank you for your beautiful albeit sad thoughts. Caroline Ridout Stewart, LCSW, President, A New PATH: Parents for Addiction Treatment and Healing (anewpath.org)
Hello Queen of Zero. Everything associated with this disease is hard.
I too hated the thought my son was "clean". Years ago I gave up the terms "clean and sober". I did not see my son as the opposite of clean while he was using, he wasn't dirty. Long ago I began dying my son was "clear and sober".
To me clear means he thinks clearly, his view of the world is now clean, he sees the effect of his disease clearly. My sone is clear and sober.
Nice blog, read more about Happiness
I haven't seen it yet and don't know that I am ready for such a real, relatable experience. But I do know at some point I want to see it. Thank you for sharing your experience with it.
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