Maybe it's just me but I am a believer that in every experience in life there is a good. At times addiction tested that belief. How do you find good inside what I have described and many others have agreed is hell on Earth?
Parenting a child addicted to drugs is hellish. Sleepless nights, fear of the next minute, hopelessness deep in your heart, that is what we all live as our child is suffering. How can there be good in such a world?
I am not trying to anger some when you think, "sure it's easy when your son is clear and sober now?"
My personal belief is good can be found in anything if we look hard enough and seek the answers we need to help ourselves and our children.
Looking back and answering a simple question has helped me. That simple question is, "What have I learned?"
I learned to be a better father. I no longer took my kids for granted. Perfection is not fair to put on your kids or to put on yourself either.
I learned that people suffering from addiction and alcoholism are not people that can be considered "less than" simply they are afflicted with a disease that I don't understand.
I learned that my bride is more than I ever believed she was or could be. I learned that I am a damn lucky guy she stuck with me.
I learned that when you extend your hand for help to strangers you all reach out, take my hand and help to lead me out of the darkness.
I learned sometimes there are no right answers, sometimes you just have to do what you think is best and accept that may be all you are capable of doing at the time.
These are just a few of my most important lessons that have shaped me into what I am today. I am not the same person I was before addiction. Today I am a better person. Many things must be forged by fire to become better than what it was, glass, steel, gold and diamonds do not become beautiful and precious without tempering through pressure and heat.
The loved one of an addict, despite the turmoil, is as clear as glass, has the strength of steel, as valuable and precious as gold and sparkles like a diamond in the sun.
What have you learned? What has addiction done for you?
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8 comments:
Ron, I have been on a journey of self-awareness in recovery that I wanted for many years but did not know how to get. I tried therapy which didn't help. Now I can say that I am much more compassionate, more loving as a person than before alcoholism brought me to Al-Anon. I am grateful for the people I have met and the community of those in recovery. Thanks for being one of those who has enriched my life.
I have also learned to be a better Mother. I am definitely more compassionate and understanding of others and I am less controlling.
HOWEVER, I would have preferred to learn all these things in a whole different way than having a child suffer with addiction.
Addiction has taught me to be less judgmental of others. I now look on the addicted, the mentally ill, the homeless and the incarcerated with fresh eyes. I don't see people who are "less than" anymore. Now I see people who are hurting and have mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and friends who are hurting along with them.
I have learned so much but perhaps the best and most important is being more compassionate, more appreciative, less judgmental and very grateful. I look at addicts in a totally different way.
I am still learning and I am still growing.
But I am with Liz, I sure wish there was a different way to have learned all of this.
I could copy Tori's post word for word. I have learned so much and am such a different person then before. I am humbled thats for sure. I don't have any answers....but I do have a deep faith.
addiction has taught me to be greatful and always stay humble because i know what like to be down on the ground and feel alone. addiction lead me to God and i wouldn't trade my faith for the world.. i never have to walk alone again. Without my struggle i wouldn't have came across my strength. when i let the past go i found life <3
I have been inspired by your story and I find it so moving that you have stood by and helped your son through his journey. It is a story that many can relate to and that many can grow from. I just wanted to share a tool that I came across that may be useful to your readers in relation to a child suffering with addicition.http://sobercollege.com/telltale-signs-of-drug-use/
Addiction is a disease of the mind, which lies to the addict and convinces him/her that everyone is against them, and that only the addict has everything under control.
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