MyAddiction.com has posted part 2 of the interview I did with them. You can find it here: My Son Was An Addict, Part 2
I was to speak to another 150 students at Shawnee Mission West today but the old flu bug got to me. I am weakly recovering today. Yesterday I knew I was not dying because I would have to get better to be considered dead. It was one of those ugly ones where you have no control over what decides to exits either end of your body. Hopefully, we will be able to reschedule my talks in the near future.
Another mother writing about her son, please visit: Mothering Addiction
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
More Than Happy Thanksgiving
Today is the day designated to give thanks for all people and those things in our lives we are grateful for in our lives. I wrote about my list of gratitude and thanks last year, On Thanksgiving. Nothing has changed from last year however there is something different this year.
This year there is a deeper feeling of thanks and gratitude that words are not adequate to describe. It's not a joyous feeling or happy dance type thing. It is simply a deep feeling of peace inside. A deep calm that allows me to reflect on the gifts given to me after so many years of turmoil.
This week I received several letters from mothers, fathers, siblings and even one from a daughter about her mother concerning loved ones struggling with addiction. Each one of these letters I answered. I spoke on the phone to a mother that lost her son this year and this is her first Thanksgiving without her son. I cannot even pretend to know how she feels. I referred her to another friend that has experienced that and I know he can help her.
Today amidst all of the food and celebration and thanks take a minute to think about or pray for all those families still troubled with children and loved ones fighting the monster and especially for those parents whose child was lost to the monster.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
Where there is life there is hope.
This year there is a deeper feeling of thanks and gratitude that words are not adequate to describe. It's not a joyous feeling or happy dance type thing. It is simply a deep feeling of peace inside. A deep calm that allows me to reflect on the gifts given to me after so many years of turmoil.
This week I received several letters from mothers, fathers, siblings and even one from a daughter about her mother concerning loved ones struggling with addiction. Each one of these letters I answered. I spoke on the phone to a mother that lost her son this year and this is her first Thanksgiving without her son. I cannot even pretend to know how she feels. I referred her to another friend that has experienced that and I know he can help her.
Today amidst all of the food and celebration and thanks take a minute to think about or pray for all those families still troubled with children and loved ones fighting the monster and especially for those parents whose child was lost to the monster.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
Where there is life there is hope.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Interviewed by MyAddiction.com
Last week I was interviewed by a writer for MyAddiction.com. They have posted Part 1 of the interview on their website. If you are interested in reading the story here is a link. My Son Was An Addict
Monday, November 12, 2012
Why Me?
Why me, how many have wondered that? That simple refrain was
uttered more often than I want to think about while Alex was using. There never
seemed to be a satisfactory answer. We went to all the school functions,
attended all the ball games, active in the schools and community, we read to
him when he was little. Kept him involved in family activities, took him to the
lake for wakeboarding, family vacations were a normal activity. We had family
dinners together every chance we got. We supported his interests and bought him
all the latest toys and games. Why me?
Of course that question was always expressed with a heavy
heart. Too many times laying in bed at night Darlene and I would try to find
the answer. What did we do wrong? Why are we being punished like this?
It has been a while since I asked that question with a heavy
heart. But, the question has never left my mind. Lately I have been
deliberating again on that question. With the benefit of time my thought process
is quite different. In the past I was looking for an answer to the question. Today
I have come to the understanding that the real question to ask concerning this
should be, “Why was I asking the question of, why me?”
Why me is about a search of the past; as if knowing will
change the present. Parents are problem solvers. Our “problem” was not ours to
solve. Our question and problem involved us but our answer was always focused
on Alex.
With the benefit of time and experience I see how much those
two simple words derailed our own life. This was an exercise in futility.
Searching for answers that meant nothing delayed our healing and supported our
co-dependence. Why me allowed us to continue enabling because we took ownership
in our loved ones addiction. Our role in the past must have contributed
therefore without our active involvement in problem solving the “situation”
will never right itself. I know this is convoluted thinking about addiction but
it is a period all parents endure.
The learning process concerning addiction was one of the
hardest things I have ever endured. Not because information and counsel was not
out there, it was because it involved so much fear, love and the consequences
are so dire. The world becomes topsy-turvy. Jail becomes protective custody,
love is unconditional but loving actions become a no-no. Nothing seems to makes
sense, we try to create sanity in an insane situation. Nothing seems to work the
way it should. Why me, why am I having to go through this crap. What did I do
to deserve this?
Why me leads us to believe there must be something or
someone to fault. If only I could find the answer I could jump in our time
machine and go back to fix our problem.
Many times I am ask, “What would you have done different?”
Only a fool would answer with something like, I can’t think of a thing. There
are many things I might have changed in the way I did things prior to addiction
but that only leads to the “magic bullet” solution. Child rearing and addiction
doesn’t subscribe to the magic bullet theory.
At some point as a parent we must allow our child to accept
some responsibility in this situation. When I speak at schools I always ask
every group if they have ever been told don’t do drugs. Every kid says yes they
have been told. As parents we lament, they won’t even make their bed, it’s no
wonder they wouldn’t listen to that simple commandment. So logically we assume
it must have been something we did or didn’t do, why me?
This is a long post but it is a tough question. I am
positive that I have not reached the conclusion of my thinking concerning this simple question. Maybe this is one of those life questions I face until I die, never
an answer but always a question. The answer may simply be living for what
happens now. The concrete on my sidewalk behind me is already cast and hardened.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Voting
Today is the day. If you haven't already voted please get out there and share your thoughts and beliefs by simply marking that ballot.
No matter if it is Romney or Obama that is your man or someone else. Voting isn't about choosing a side, voting is about bringing us together. We have the privilege to choose leaders to lead instead of being forced to follow.
Tomorrow I hope that everyone can come together as one. We are Americans first. Neither Democrats or Republicans have all the answers. It is time we all remember America first, arguing politics is just a hobby.
No matter if it is Romney or Obama that is your man or someone else. Voting isn't about choosing a side, voting is about bringing us together. We have the privilege to choose leaders to lead instead of being forced to follow.
Tomorrow I hope that everyone can come together as one. We are Americans first. Neither Democrats or Republicans have all the answers. It is time we all remember America first, arguing politics is just a hobby.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Points Here, Forward and Unknown
Nothing ever ends, the world spins, sun rises and sun sets everything in between is just life. When you think about it, aren't we lucky. The drama and crisis is miserable but without the valleys we would have no realization what we are seeing when we stand on top of the mountain.
Last weekend Darlene and I traveled to western Kansas to visit relatives. The occasion was their farm sale. They are retiring and sold all of their farming equipment at auction. These are people that had been farming for all their life. A very large operation but in western Kansas they are all very large farms to me. Thousands of acres of corn, wheat, beans, the stuff we all depend on for life without a thought of what it takes to get it to our table each night. Massive equipment (mostly green, mid westerners know what that means) brings the earth to life growing and harvesting what we need.
On the 350 mile trip back home we took our time, stopped in Hutchinson, KS and visited a salt mine. 650' underground we went. Decades of salt miners toiled in this deep dark man made cavern. I thought of how these generations of miners complimented what my relatives were doing on their farm. How bland tasting all of that food they were growing would be without the miners so far underground. (if you watch Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe this is the mine he went to mine salt.)
This trip also gave us many miles to discuss the spinning world and time to come with our own retirement. Even ten years ago retirement was not even something we considered but I guess when you are 55 and 56 you start thinking about that question, "What are we going to do with the rest of our life?" Truthfully I cannot imagine retiring for at least another 10 years, no so for Mom. I've got a great job that I love, mom has a job that she is very good at but works for a large company and is just a small cog on a very big wheel.
The world just keeps spinning regardless of our life. As I see others close to me opening new chapters I become aware of the chapters in my life. It's important to keep in mind that the chapters in our own book of life are not yet written. We aren't predestined to be happy or sad. We are all given the opportunity with pen in hand to design and write our own book. Others may impact the narrative of our book but never give up your pen to someone else.
Last weekend Darlene and I traveled to western Kansas to visit relatives. The occasion was their farm sale. They are retiring and sold all of their farming equipment at auction. These are people that had been farming for all their life. A very large operation but in western Kansas they are all very large farms to me. Thousands of acres of corn, wheat, beans, the stuff we all depend on for life without a thought of what it takes to get it to our table each night. Massive equipment (mostly green, mid westerners know what that means) brings the earth to life growing and harvesting what we need.
On the 350 mile trip back home we took our time, stopped in Hutchinson, KS and visited a salt mine. 650' underground we went. Decades of salt miners toiled in this deep dark man made cavern. I thought of how these generations of miners complimented what my relatives were doing on their farm. How bland tasting all of that food they were growing would be without the miners so far underground. (if you watch Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe this is the mine he went to mine salt.)
This trip also gave us many miles to discuss the spinning world and time to come with our own retirement. Even ten years ago retirement was not even something we considered but I guess when you are 55 and 56 you start thinking about that question, "What are we going to do with the rest of our life?" Truthfully I cannot imagine retiring for at least another 10 years, no so for Mom. I've got a great job that I love, mom has a job that she is very good at but works for a large company and is just a small cog on a very big wheel.
The world just keeps spinning regardless of our life. As I see others close to me opening new chapters I become aware of the chapters in my life. It's important to keep in mind that the chapters in our own book of life are not yet written. We aren't predestined to be happy or sad. We are all given the opportunity with pen in hand to design and write our own book. Others may impact the narrative of our book but never give up your pen to someone else.
Monday, October 22, 2012
I Remember Hating Weekends
I remember hating weekends. The weekend meant there was no rest from parenting an addict. You were home with crisis and drama slamming you into the wall at every turn. Calls from jail asking for bail money. New dents and damage to vehicles. Incoherent conversations that end up being a catalyst for more self hurt. Unknown noises at 3 in the morning and not getting out of bed to investigate. People showing up at your home at midnight and you have no idea who they are and being smart enough not to confront them. Sirens wailing outside wondering who they are chasing and in your heart hoping it is........
I wanna go back to work so I can focus on something resembling sanity. Just an office where I can close the door, hide and work in peace.
Today weekends are once again a time to relish. Babysitting a grandchild from a son you never thought would be alive. Looking forward to a visit from a son that spent Friday night at a family bonfire and a Saturday night at Haunted Houses. Listening to tales of fun and joy from those events on Sunday morning. Watching a 1 year old grandson run into his daddy's arms. This is what weekends are suppose to be like. That's what is called appreciation.
The past seems so long ago now.
I wanna go back to work so I can focus on something resembling sanity. Just an office where I can close the door, hide and work in peace.
Today weekends are once again a time to relish. Babysitting a grandchild from a son you never thought would be alive. Looking forward to a visit from a son that spent Friday night at a family bonfire and a Saturday night at Haunted Houses. Listening to tales of fun and joy from those events on Sunday morning. Watching a 1 year old grandson run into his daddy's arms. This is what weekends are suppose to be like. That's what is called appreciation.
The past seems so long ago now.
Friday, October 19, 2012
The Value of Work
I can only imagine what recovery must be like for an addict. I would guess it isn't an internal struggle it must be more like an internal thermonuclear war. Two sides literally fighting for survival. I have a great admiration for any one that has fought that war and won. Way too many are not able to win that war or forever fight skirmishes all their life never feeling even a small taste of freedom.
My observations of my son in recovery extend to all people in general as it relates life. Work is important. Work has been defined as a basic psychological need of humans in general. We all want to feel that we contribute. We must contribute to our family, to others, to society and most of all to ourselves. Work provides purpose. I'm not just talking about punching a clock someplace. Work is what we do to give purpose to our life.
It's not just with addiction, I've seen others suffering from different diseases, they can't wait to get well so they can work. The lack of work is devastating for all peoples. Unemployed, sick, disabled, doesn't matter we all want to contribute.
Especially with addiction I see the destructive power of no work. The old saying I heard from my grandma was, "Idle hands are the devil's playthings" is most appropriate.
Addicts in recovery carry baggage. Many times criminal records, long periods of unemployment, huge unexplained gaps on a resume or application is part of that overwhelming load. For a fact, this makes it hard to get a job and work. I can vouch to that because for over twenty years of my career I have been in human resources and I am that guy that tossed their resume or application aside.
Nothing is going to change over night. All people need work to be healthy. It doesn't matter if a paycheck comes on Friday, work is what we do for our self to be healthy. Work is the reward, money is the byproduct. I don't want anyone to misunderstand the value of compensation, we needs our basic survival needs met but we cannot ignore or diminish the value intrinsic motivation has on our own health.
For myself there has been much professional learning over these past years. I no longer toss aside those resumes and applications (people). But, I do hold all people to the same standards. Recovery is an event or process not an excuse.
I don't have an answer for those in recovery looking to find a job and running into countless brick walls. Nothing in the world is going change over night except you. I don't believe I am unique. There are hiring managers out there that understand what I have come to learn. You just have to dig deeper to find them. Work is a critical part of your recovery, don't allow it be a reason for your relapse.
My observations of my son in recovery extend to all people in general as it relates life. Work is important. Work has been defined as a basic psychological need of humans in general. We all want to feel that we contribute. We must contribute to our family, to others, to society and most of all to ourselves. Work provides purpose. I'm not just talking about punching a clock someplace. Work is what we do to give purpose to our life.
It's not just with addiction, I've seen others suffering from different diseases, they can't wait to get well so they can work. The lack of work is devastating for all peoples. Unemployed, sick, disabled, doesn't matter we all want to contribute.
Especially with addiction I see the destructive power of no work. The old saying I heard from my grandma was, "Idle hands are the devil's playthings" is most appropriate.
Addicts in recovery carry baggage. Many times criminal records, long periods of unemployment, huge unexplained gaps on a resume or application is part of that overwhelming load. For a fact, this makes it hard to get a job and work. I can vouch to that because for over twenty years of my career I have been in human resources and I am that guy that tossed their resume or application aside.
Nothing is going to change over night. All people need work to be healthy. It doesn't matter if a paycheck comes on Friday, work is what we do for our self to be healthy. Work is the reward, money is the byproduct. I don't want anyone to misunderstand the value of compensation, we needs our basic survival needs met but we cannot ignore or diminish the value intrinsic motivation has on our own health.
For myself there has been much professional learning over these past years. I no longer toss aside those resumes and applications (people). But, I do hold all people to the same standards. Recovery is an event or process not an excuse.
I don't have an answer for those in recovery looking to find a job and running into countless brick walls. Nothing in the world is going change over night except you. I don't believe I am unique. There are hiring managers out there that understand what I have come to learn. You just have to dig deeper to find them. Work is a critical part of your recovery, don't allow it be a reason for your relapse.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Parent of An Addict -- Child of An Addict
Today I spoke to over 600 middle school students about being the parent of an addict and what drugs did to my family and my son. These are students that are 12-14 years old. There were over 600 students, too many parents for me to count and a whole school of teachers, staff and administration. It was a jam packed gym with maybe 2 open seats to spare.
My daughter Erica went with me. She is Alex's oldest sister.
This was the first time I ever spoke with this age group. I was a little less graphic than what you have seen on my YouTube presentation. But I tried to be just as intense. For 35 minutes I spoke to this packed gym and other than my voice you could hear a pin drop. These kids were quiet and respectful. I felt every eye on me the whole time. The nurse said that it was amazing how focused and intent they all were on your message.
I introduced Erica in the beginning as Alex's sister if they wanted a sibling perspective. I then began my talk. I introduced myself, introduced my son and his addiction issues, then I issued a spoiler alert and told them that Alex has been clear and sober for over 2 years, since July 2010. When I said he was clear and sober entire gym burst out in thunderous applause and it just went on. The speaker nearly lost his composure at that minute.
At the end of the talk Erica and I found ourselves surrounded. I glanced at her and she looked like a teen rock star she had so many students around her. They were asking her about what to do for their brothers and sisters with issues in there own family. Erica said one little girl ask her if she cried a lot. Erica said, "Yes, she was very sad for a long long time and cried often." The little girl ask Erica if she could hug her. She said if it was her brother she would want someone to hug her.
I was quickly swarmed with parents and students. I answered a couple questions from parents but I quickly focused my attention on students. I'm not going into details but students talked to me about their parents that are addicted. The only thing I could say to these students, tell your parent that you love them, ask them to get help, tell them there are people they can call for help and not get into trouble. But, most importantly, your parent is sick with a disease. This situation is not your fault and you don't have the power to help them. The most you can do is to tell them you love them and ask them to please get help. I left them with my info and told them they can write or call any time.
My heart hurt today. I spoke about the terrible pain when you are the parent of an addict. Today I saw what is even harder to imagine. I met 12-14 year old kids processing being the child of an active addict.
My daughter Erica went with me. She is Alex's oldest sister.
This was the first time I ever spoke with this age group. I was a little less graphic than what you have seen on my YouTube presentation. But I tried to be just as intense. For 35 minutes I spoke to this packed gym and other than my voice you could hear a pin drop. These kids were quiet and respectful. I felt every eye on me the whole time. The nurse said that it was amazing how focused and intent they all were on your message.
I introduced Erica in the beginning as Alex's sister if they wanted a sibling perspective. I then began my talk. I introduced myself, introduced my son and his addiction issues, then I issued a spoiler alert and told them that Alex has been clear and sober for over 2 years, since July 2010. When I said he was clear and sober entire gym burst out in thunderous applause and it just went on. The speaker nearly lost his composure at that minute.
At the end of the talk Erica and I found ourselves surrounded. I glanced at her and she looked like a teen rock star she had so many students around her. They were asking her about what to do for their brothers and sisters with issues in there own family. Erica said one little girl ask her if she cried a lot. Erica said, "Yes, she was very sad for a long long time and cried often." The little girl ask Erica if she could hug her. She said if it was her brother she would want someone to hug her.
I was quickly swarmed with parents and students. I answered a couple questions from parents but I quickly focused my attention on students. I'm not going into details but students talked to me about their parents that are addicted. The only thing I could say to these students, tell your parent that you love them, ask them to get help, tell them there are people they can call for help and not get into trouble. But, most importantly, your parent is sick with a disease. This situation is not your fault and you don't have the power to help them. The most you can do is to tell them you love them and ask them to please get help. I left them with my info and told them they can write or call any time.
My heart hurt today. I spoke about the terrible pain when you are the parent of an addict. Today I saw what is even harder to imagine. I met 12-14 year old kids processing being the child of an active addict.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Fall Festival Rescheduled
All of the KC weather guessers are predicting a weather apocalypse on Saturday Afternoon from 2-8. Rain, hail, 60 mph winds. We all know it hasn't rained in KC for 6 months but you all know the Grover luck. So, we are re-scheduling Fall Festival for Sunday at 2:00. I know on the invitation it says rain day on the 20th but that is race weekend and Sunday the 14th is suppose to be beautiful, according the the same weather guessers. Please show up for the same fun and games on Sunday. The Chiefs are playing at noon in Tampa Bay but what REALLY would you be missing.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Fall Festival Time
It's time to get serious about Fall Festival Oct. 13 is this Saturday. Barbara put me up to having all you readers over to put faces with blogs and readers so it is your chance to meet everyone. Near or far to the KC area everyone is welcome.
I usually get a little over 200 hot dogs for the fire and make around 5-6 gallons of chili, plus there are always enough marshmallows to get everyone good and sugared up. But the best part is all the goodies everyone makes and brings. Every time I walk by the tables I am grazing.
Here is the full invitation. Each year I always like to try something different so this year I'm trying a car show.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Impossible to Swallow, Heart in Throat
This morning I received an e-mail from a mother. Last night her son overdosed.
"Last night I saved my son's life in our bathroom. I'm certainly not the first parent to do so and I won't be the last..........Laying there turning blue lipped and laying in blood from hitting his head on the tile. I can't physically get it out of my head"
How do you get it out of your head? This is the horror of being the parent of an addict. OVERDOSE, what a horrible word!
This is a mother that stole her son back from the monster, at least for that night.
"I believe I first heard of Narcan from your blog or a link from your blog. You indicated you had to use it at some point.... .....Thank you for talking about Narcan. I was able to at least save his life another day for one more day of hope."
Yes, I did write about the time my son was given Narcan because of an overdose.
If you are the parent of an addict, I can't say it enough, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, yourself. I know with the drama and crisis of addiction this may seem overwhelming but it must be done.
My random rantings and raving on this blog isn't about helping to save a life. My purpose began as trying to help me make sense of an insane situation. Maybe it has turned into something more.
If this mom that wrote me reads this I want you to know that you have made my day today and you have destroyed my day. You ripped your son away from the monster and there is nothing in the world that makes me feel better. The monster is alive and still grabbing our children each day. That reality grabs my heart and destroys my happiness.
"Last night I saved my son's life in our bathroom. I'm certainly not the first parent to do so and I won't be the last..........Laying there turning blue lipped and laying in blood from hitting his head on the tile. I can't physically get it out of my head"
How do you get it out of your head? This is the horror of being the parent of an addict. OVERDOSE, what a horrible word!
This is a mother that stole her son back from the monster, at least for that night.
"I believe I first heard of Narcan from your blog or a link from your blog. You indicated you had to use it at some point.... .....Thank you for talking about Narcan. I was able to at least save his life another day for one more day of hope."
Yes, I did write about the time my son was given Narcan because of an overdose.
If you are the parent of an addict, I can't say it enough, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, yourself. I know with the drama and crisis of addiction this may seem overwhelming but it must be done.
My random rantings and raving on this blog isn't about helping to save a life. My purpose began as trying to help me make sense of an insane situation. Maybe it has turned into something more.
If this mom that wrote me reads this I want you to know that you have made my day today and you have destroyed my day. You ripped your son away from the monster and there is nothing in the world that makes me feel better. The monster is alive and still grabbing our children each day. That reality grabs my heart and destroys my happiness.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Drug Take Back Day
This Saturday is a nationally coordinated Drug Take Back Day. All across the nation there will people at various locations to take back and properly dispose of unwanted pills and medicines. I personally want to encourage you to take part in this effort.
You don't need to have a young adult or teen in your home to make it dangerous to have unused or expired medications around the home. I hate to say it this way but kids will find a way to get to what you have if they need it or want it. Grandma's and Grandpa's medicine, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends, you are all vulnerable.
My personal experience is enough for us to understand the danger we all face. About 8 years ago I had a joint replacement, shoulder. That was a very painful experience so when I was released from the hospital I was given an ample supply of pain medication, Vicoden. I took a few, particularly after visits to the physical terrorist, but not too many. During a followup visit with the doctor I was ask how the pain meds were working for me? My reply was they were good and worked well. When I went to check out at the doctors office another prescription for Vicoden was waiting for me. I still had several from the first prescription but as a good little patient I stopped on the way home and filled the second prescription, just in case, you know. I never took a single pill from the second prescription and it was a fairly large bottle. Never thought much about it until several months later I found that pill bottle empty in my son's bedroom.
This was very early in my son's addiction. I don't know if this was Alex's first experience into prescription meds. I do know for sure that my carelessness and not being aware the dangers of unused medication in the home made me one of my own sons drug dealers. Yes, I do think about that as a father and it is not a good feeling.
For me and yourself, help every single young person out there by not having unused medication in your home. Take back and dispose of unused medication.
The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) has organized a National Prescription Drug Take-Back Day on September 29, 2012, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. In all 50 states and U.S. territories, you can drop off unwanted or expired medicines at thousands of take-back locations, getting them out of your home (and out of your children’s reach).
go to www.medicineabuseproject.org, put in your zip code, and find the nearest take-back location.
You don't need to have a young adult or teen in your home to make it dangerous to have unused or expired medications around the home. I hate to say it this way but kids will find a way to get to what you have if they need it or want it. Grandma's and Grandpa's medicine, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends, you are all vulnerable.
My personal experience is enough for us to understand the danger we all face. About 8 years ago I had a joint replacement, shoulder. That was a very painful experience so when I was released from the hospital I was given an ample supply of pain medication, Vicoden. I took a few, particularly after visits to the physical terrorist, but not too many. During a followup visit with the doctor I was ask how the pain meds were working for me? My reply was they were good and worked well. When I went to check out at the doctors office another prescription for Vicoden was waiting for me. I still had several from the first prescription but as a good little patient I stopped on the way home and filled the second prescription, just in case, you know. I never took a single pill from the second prescription and it was a fairly large bottle. Never thought much about it until several months later I found that pill bottle empty in my son's bedroom.
This was very early in my son's addiction. I don't know if this was Alex's first experience into prescription meds. I do know for sure that my carelessness and not being aware the dangers of unused medication in the home made me one of my own sons drug dealers. Yes, I do think about that as a father and it is not a good feeling.
For me and yourself, help every single young person out there by not having unused medication in your home. Take back and dispose of unused medication.
The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) has organized a National Prescription Drug Take-Back Day on September 29, 2012, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. In all 50 states and U.S. territories, you can drop off unwanted or expired medicines at thousands of take-back locations, getting them out of your home (and out of your children’s reach).
go to www.medicineabuseproject.org, put in your zip code, and find the nearest take-back location.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Home, Safe and Sound
Nothing routine about coming home from work tonight. I was riding my motorcycle home and cruising down the highway at 60 mph minding my own business. It was a nice evening to ride.
All of a sudden the engine stopped and the rear tire locked up. Before I even knew what happened I was sliding sideways. Don't know how I knew to do it so fast I grabbed all the clutch I could. That released the rear tire from being locked up. I was able swerve back to getting it straight tracking while holding clutch. Braked to a stop using front brake into the center median.
Darlene was thank god you are OK.
OK!!! OK!!! I'm not even close to being OK, I got a broke Harley sitting in my garage, maybe a locked up transmission or locked up engine. I'm far from OK.
All of a sudden the engine stopped and the rear tire locked up. Before I even knew what happened I was sliding sideways. Don't know how I knew to do it so fast I grabbed all the clutch I could. That released the rear tire from being locked up. I was able swerve back to getting it straight tracking while holding clutch. Braked to a stop using front brake into the center median.
Darlene was thank god you are OK.
OK!!! OK!!! I'm not even close to being OK, I got a broke Harley sitting in my garage, maybe a locked up transmission or locked up engine. I'm far from OK.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
A Favor, Please?
Finished another day of talks to students at Basehor Linwood High School. First of all, Thank You, Susan Mayberry for allowing me into your classroom. This is much more important to me that it is to all of you that listen. I'm sure every POA would understand what I mean by that and would side with me on that one.
The beginning of each talk these last two days I opened with a video that was produced for The Medicine Abuse Project. It is the story of 5 teens that abused prescription medication. I couldn't believe the impact this video had on the students and the parents that attended.
I asked and The Partnership has posted the video on their website.
It's hard to talk with your children about drugs. Studies show parents would rather talk to their kids about sex than drugs. Mostly because they don't know what to say and they are afraid of THE QUESTION. You know the "question", "Dad, Mom, have you ever used drugs?" You know what I tell these kids in class, you start the conversation with dad and mom. I also tell them don't be afraid of putting dad and mom on the spot. I explain to them the very best conversation they can have with dad and mom about drugs is a honest one, no secrets.
I am asking a favor from all that read this blog. I know many of you are POA's. The favor I am asking is for you to watch this video. It's only 11:43 minutes of your life. After you watch it PLEASE forward a link to a parent of a young teen. Ask them to watch and beg them to talk with their children about drugs. If they don't know how to talk about drugs to their child send them a link, The Partnership has an entire section about how to talk to your child about drugs.
Here is the link: PARENTS360 Rx Click on the video link on that page.
If you need help talking to your kids about drugs: PREVENT
Leave me a comment.......Watched & Talked
That is all the fuel I need to keep fighting the monster.
The beginning of each talk these last two days I opened with a video that was produced for The Medicine Abuse Project. It is the story of 5 teens that abused prescription medication. I couldn't believe the impact this video had on the students and the parents that attended.
I asked and The Partnership has posted the video on their website.
It's hard to talk with your children about drugs. Studies show parents would rather talk to their kids about sex than drugs. Mostly because they don't know what to say and they are afraid of THE QUESTION. You know the "question", "Dad, Mom, have you ever used drugs?" You know what I tell these kids in class, you start the conversation with dad and mom. I also tell them don't be afraid of putting dad and mom on the spot. I explain to them the very best conversation they can have with dad and mom about drugs is a honest one, no secrets.
I am asking a favor from all that read this blog. I know many of you are POA's. The favor I am asking is for you to watch this video. It's only 11:43 minutes of your life. After you watch it PLEASE forward a link to a parent of a young teen. Ask them to watch and beg them to talk with their children about drugs. If they don't know how to talk about drugs to their child send them a link, The Partnership has an entire section about how to talk to your child about drugs.
Here is the link: PARENTS360 Rx Click on the video link on that page.
If you need help talking to your kids about drugs: PREVENT
Leave me a comment.......Watched & Talked
That is all the fuel I need to keep fighting the monster.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
It's In Their Eyes
I spoke to two classes at the high school today. Along with the students four parents attended.
I really cannot find the words to describe what it is like to stand in front of these young people and parents and talk about what we have been through. I've given this talk for I really don't know how many times. There are parts for me that are very painful. It's like taking the scab off a wound that really needs the air and light. The process is healing for me but it is not without giving up a part of me too.
However much it hurts at times it is all worth it when I look at those young people listening to me. It tough when I recount how long it took me to learn what has to be done and how to be a father with a son addicted to drugs. Not sure but I might even scare some of the kids when I launch into my old worn out phrase that is used before I understood about addiction. "No lying, no stealing, no drugs, JUST WHAT THE HELL IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT!!!!" Of course I deliver that phrase at about one quarter the volume and zero percent of the anger I used when it was screamed at Alex.
The kids seem to be listening. Guess it is my training on recognizing Alex's condition. I look at their eyes. No pinpoint pupils. LOL. They are wide open. If you have seen the videos you know I can't stand still during these presentations. They follow me with their eyes. I think they hear me because I see it in their faces but mostly in their eyes.
One of the parents that attended today critiqued me at my asking. She said, "I pride myself on being a people watcher and I have never seen kids this age so focused. You touched some people today. I admit, at times I was fighting to hold back tears."
Hate to admit but there are times the speaker fights hard to hold back the tears too. This is so personal.
Two more classes tomorrow. I'll be ready, hope they are ready for me.
I really cannot find the words to describe what it is like to stand in front of these young people and parents and talk about what we have been through. I've given this talk for I really don't know how many times. There are parts for me that are very painful. It's like taking the scab off a wound that really needs the air and light. The process is healing for me but it is not without giving up a part of me too.
However much it hurts at times it is all worth it when I look at those young people listening to me. It tough when I recount how long it took me to learn what has to be done and how to be a father with a son addicted to drugs. Not sure but I might even scare some of the kids when I launch into my old worn out phrase that is used before I understood about addiction. "No lying, no stealing, no drugs, JUST WHAT THE HELL IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT!!!!" Of course I deliver that phrase at about one quarter the volume and zero percent of the anger I used when it was screamed at Alex.
The kids seem to be listening. Guess it is my training on recognizing Alex's condition. I look at their eyes. No pinpoint pupils. LOL. They are wide open. If you have seen the videos you know I can't stand still during these presentations. They follow me with their eyes. I think they hear me because I see it in their faces but mostly in their eyes.
One of the parents that attended today critiqued me at my asking. She said, "I pride myself on being a people watcher and I have never seen kids this age so focused. You touched some people today. I admit, at times I was fighting to hold back tears."
Hate to admit but there are times the speaker fights hard to hold back the tears too. This is so personal.
Two more classes tomorrow. I'll be ready, hope they are ready for me.
Friday, September 14, 2012
The Ron Road Show
The road show is on off and running next week. Wednesday and Thursday next week I am giving my presentation to another bunch of high school students in my local school district, Basehor Linwood.
This week I got an email from representatives of the Blue Valley School District. I was ask to speak at 4 middle schools in conjunction with Red Ribbon Week in October. Their plan is to have whole school assemblies and I will talk about the impact of addiction on addicts and families. They want a personal story that impacts the students at their level. Over 2000 middle school students along with teachers and any parents that attend will hear my story in one week.
The U.S. Department of Education recognizes schools each year with the National Blue Ribbon Award.
(from the U.S. Dept. of Education website)
What are the benefits of being a Blue Ribbon school?
In Kansas there were only six schools recognized across the entire state of all public and private schools on the 2012 Blue Ribbon School list. Basehor Linwood School District and The Blue Valley School District each had one school on the list. From the Blue Ribbon Schools list in Kansas 2 of the 6 school districts have ask me to speak to their students. This tells me the highest performing schools in the nation DO NOT ignore the realities of drug addiction and the impact it has on their students. I feel good in this knowledge, hopefully I can do them justice with my message.
As always, I can sure use your thoughts and ideas. If you have something that every student must know, leave me a comment. Nothing is so good it can't be improved.
Here is a link to videos my presentation to high school students last school year. You Ask For It, You Got'em
Another parent beginning to write. Please give her a shout.
My Life of Constant Intervention
This week I got an email from representatives of the Blue Valley School District. I was ask to speak at 4 middle schools in conjunction with Red Ribbon Week in October. Their plan is to have whole school assemblies and I will talk about the impact of addiction on addicts and families. They want a personal story that impacts the students at their level. Over 2000 middle school students along with teachers and any parents that attend will hear my story in one week.
The U.S. Department of Education recognizes schools each year with the National Blue Ribbon Award.
(from the U.S. Dept. of Education website)
What are the benefits of being a Blue Ribbon school?
Blue Ribbon Schools are nationally recognized as some of America's most successful schools. The award acknowledges and validates the hard work of students, staff members, families, and communities in reaching high levels of student achievement. Moreover, Blue Ribbon Schools report a renewed sense of pride and accomplishment at their school. They may be sought out as mentors to others schools or may find that receiving grants and raising funds is a little easier. Communities often report that the award makes their neighborhood a more desirable place to live because parents want their children to attend a Blue Ribbon School—and real estate agents use the Blue Ribbon award as a selling point for those neighborhoods. Tangibly, each fall, all winning schools are invited to Washington, D.C. for a ceremony to celebrate their success, share information, and receive a plaque and flag to commemorate their achievement.
In Kansas there were only six schools recognized across the entire state of all public and private schools on the 2012 Blue Ribbon School list. Basehor Linwood School District and The Blue Valley School District each had one school on the list. From the Blue Ribbon Schools list in Kansas 2 of the 6 school districts have ask me to speak to their students. This tells me the highest performing schools in the nation DO NOT ignore the realities of drug addiction and the impact it has on their students. I feel good in this knowledge, hopefully I can do them justice with my message.
As always, I can sure use your thoughts and ideas. If you have something that every student must know, leave me a comment. Nothing is so good it can't be improved.
Here is a link to videos my presentation to high school students last school year. You Ask For It, You Got'em
Another parent beginning to write. Please give her a shout.
My Life of Constant Intervention
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Milestones
It is day by day. I really understand that now and it was so hard to get but this dad finally got it after a few years. This is my revelation for myself.
Regardless of living for the joy of each day I don't think it is wrong to occasionally put little check marks in the column of normal father /son growth and relationships. Today Alex got back from a family vacation. He and Kristy took their family on their first family vacation. It really is a mark on the life list for a dad to take his family on car vacation. Ask your dad if that adventure doesn't have a special place in their dreams and nightmares. It is such a milestone a movie was actually made of the adventure. I don't know anybody that hasn't laughed at the Griswold's on their vacation to Walley World.
This dad is proud of his son. Not so long ago I didn't even dare to dream. Today dreams come true.
Regardless of living for the joy of each day I don't think it is wrong to occasionally put little check marks in the column of normal father /son growth and relationships. Today Alex got back from a family vacation. He and Kristy took their family on their first family vacation. It really is a mark on the life list for a dad to take his family on car vacation. Ask your dad if that adventure doesn't have a special place in their dreams and nightmares. It is such a milestone a movie was actually made of the adventure. I don't know anybody that hasn't laughed at the Griswold's on their vacation to Walley World.
This dad is proud of his son. Not so long ago I didn't even dare to dream. Today dreams come true.
Ocean City, Maryland, USA
Friday, September 7, 2012
What Would You Say to an Addict?
A few weeks ago Adrienne Hurst, Managing Editor at All Treatment.com sent me an email explaining that she was soliciting quotes for an article she was writing. The subject of the article was "What Would You Say to an Addict", if you could only say one thing. She ask if I would be willing to submit a quote for her article, I agreed.
Today I received an email from Adrienne Hurst, "Thank you for sharing your addiction advice with AllTreatment. We received several contributions from bloggers and treatment providers, and yours was among the few that we choose to be included in our article. The point you made about parents of addicts needing to take care of themselves really struck me, and I am excited to share it with our readers."
You can read Adrienne Hurst's article here: AllTreatment.com/blog
Today I received an email from Adrienne Hurst, "Thank you for sharing your addiction advice with AllTreatment. We received several contributions from bloggers and treatment providers, and yours was among the few that we choose to be included in our article. The point you made about parents of addicts needing to take care of themselves really struck me, and I am excited to share it with our readers."
You can read Adrienne Hurst's article here: AllTreatment.com/blog
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Why Do We Write?
A friend that writes and maintains her own website B Here Today posted a quote that started me thinking. "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.", Ernest Hemingway.
Why do I write? That's a really hard question. In fact Barbara over at Back To Being Me is having a very difficult time with her son and life and her last post was about taking a break from writing because she didn't feel she could give enough time and herself to continue reading and commenting on others blogs. She felt blogging was a two way street. She had to contribute to others in order to write.
I write for myself. Writing is a very selfish endeavor. Even if the room is full of people, when I write I am alone. Writing allows me to be alone with myself, guess it is like having a conversation with my best friend, me. ;-) I've always had a feeling that anyone that couldn't stand to be alone probably doesn't like themselves.
Blogging has never been a two way street for me. Yes, I read many blogs and I sometimes leave comments for others. Comments on my blog make me feel good that someone reads and takes time to comment. Comments are therapeutic and I learn a great deal from all of the wisdom shared by those in a similar struggle. However, for me the real meat of the therapy is the process of writing. The organization of my thoughts, the deliberation on my experiences and beliefs before I commit them to "paper". But it's not paper any more is it?
"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.", Ernest Hemingway. Who am I to disagree with Ernest Hemingway about the process of writing, but I do. Look at this fool, disagreeing with arguably one of the greatest writers of all time about writing. For me it goes more like this. "There is nothing to writing. Writing is what I do while I am licking my wounds.", Ron Grover. When I wrote about our experiences the battle was over. Blood was all ready spilled. The battlefield is strewn with hurt, anger and tears. Writing is what gave me the strength to fight this addiction monster one more day.
Why do I write? That's a really hard question. In fact Barbara over at Back To Being Me is having a very difficult time with her son and life and her last post was about taking a break from writing because she didn't feel she could give enough time and herself to continue reading and commenting on others blogs. She felt blogging was a two way street. She had to contribute to others in order to write.
I write for myself. Writing is a very selfish endeavor. Even if the room is full of people, when I write I am alone. Writing allows me to be alone with myself, guess it is like having a conversation with my best friend, me. ;-) I've always had a feeling that anyone that couldn't stand to be alone probably doesn't like themselves.
Blogging has never been a two way street for me. Yes, I read many blogs and I sometimes leave comments for others. Comments on my blog make me feel good that someone reads and takes time to comment. Comments are therapeutic and I learn a great deal from all of the wisdom shared by those in a similar struggle. However, for me the real meat of the therapy is the process of writing. The organization of my thoughts, the deliberation on my experiences and beliefs before I commit them to "paper". But it's not paper any more is it?
"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.", Ernest Hemingway. Who am I to disagree with Ernest Hemingway about the process of writing, but I do. Look at this fool, disagreeing with arguably one of the greatest writers of all time about writing. For me it goes more like this. "There is nothing to writing. Writing is what I do while I am licking my wounds.", Ron Grover. When I wrote about our experiences the battle was over. Blood was all ready spilled. The battlefield is strewn with hurt, anger and tears. Writing is what gave me the strength to fight this addiction monster one more day.
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