It was another great time for Fall Festival. The weather was warm and didn't resemble Fall at all but the leaves on the trees were turning yellow so that puts you in the mood.
The real positive was that it was warm enough for the babies to be outside so that enables the moms and dads to have fun outside too. If you want to see the pictures to Fall Festival check out the pictures link.
Fall Festival 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Big Head Alert!
I just went to The Partnership's website and they have my 7 Truths essay highlighted on their Homepage.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Parents Help Line
If your looking for someone to talk to about your child using drugs or drinking The Partnership at Drugfree.org staffs a parent help line for you to call. This is not a 24 hour emergency line but a line staffed with clinical professionals that you can talk with to get info or make plans. This is a bi-lingual line.
Our Helpline is open Monday through Friday, 10:00 am to 6:00 pm ET. We are closed on weekends and holidays. The Helpline is not a crisis line. If you do not connect with a parent specialist, please leave a message and we will make every effort to get back to you by the next business day. If you are in need of immediate or emergency services please call 911 or a 24 hour crisis hotline.
Our parent specialists are licensed social workers and psychologists with years of experience helping individuals and their families prevent and overcome substance abuse problems.
1-855-DRUGFREE (1-855-378-4373)
Our Helpline is open Monday through Friday, 10:00 am to 6:00 pm ET. We are closed on weekends and holidays. The Helpline is not a crisis line. If you do not connect with a parent specialist, please leave a message and we will make every effort to get back to you by the next business day. If you are in need of immediate or emergency services please call 911 or a 24 hour crisis hotline.
Our parent specialists are licensed social workers and psychologists with years of experience helping individuals and their families prevent and overcome substance abuse problems.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Alzheimers and Addiction
As I have mentioned before, my mother has Alzheimer's. She has good days and bad days. She still lives at home with my sister and is alone all day while my sister works. It hasn't gotten so bad she needs full time care.
I'm an impatient person. I'm not sure I could be a primary caregiver like my sister but one never knows what they are capable of doing until it is required of them. However, in dealing with Alex I have learned very good life lessons about patience and acceptance.
I see at times similarities with Alzheimer's and addiction. Patience and acceptance are characteristics highly valued in dealing with either condition. In the past I could see myself not understanding the limits of a person, even with a disease. It just wasn't my nature. Fortunately I had enough time with Alex that I learned the necessity of patience and acceptance. I can't imagine how I would have handled it if something tragic would have happened to him before I got to that place.
Alex is getting better. I see him maturing and growing. I'm not saying that it is over and he is cured. I am just saying that progress can actually be observed in his life. Nothing like that comes without struggle and I am sure there are struggles for him I cannot imagine but that is his world and I try hard to stay out of that world so that he continues to grow.
With my mom, there will only be good days and bad days. There isn't long term recovery. But I see her doing all she can too. It would be easy to become impatient, answering the same question, telling her the same thing over and over but I have learned a great deal from my son, even as he was addicted.
Alzheimer's, just like addiction, you must accept what they have to give. These are diseases of the mind. Each disabling in a way I do not understand but must accept. Each person doing exactly what makes sense to them at that very moment, is that wrong what they do or is it just the way it is? The way it is must be accepted. There really isn't an alternative with either person. They are both doing the best they can.
Once again I need to work on myself. I need to find a way to use my time more wisely. The urgent must not overwhelm the important. The important is watching my son grow. The important is being a hero grandpa to a couple of little ones. The important is to see my mom smile when I visit because she still recognizes me. The urgent can wait, the garage can remain a mess another day and the grass may grow a little higher than I like.
I'm an impatient person. I'm not sure I could be a primary caregiver like my sister but one never knows what they are capable of doing until it is required of them. However, in dealing with Alex I have learned very good life lessons about patience and acceptance.
I see at times similarities with Alzheimer's and addiction. Patience and acceptance are characteristics highly valued in dealing with either condition. In the past I could see myself not understanding the limits of a person, even with a disease. It just wasn't my nature. Fortunately I had enough time with Alex that I learned the necessity of patience and acceptance. I can't imagine how I would have handled it if something tragic would have happened to him before I got to that place.
Alex is getting better. I see him maturing and growing. I'm not saying that it is over and he is cured. I am just saying that progress can actually be observed in his life. Nothing like that comes without struggle and I am sure there are struggles for him I cannot imagine but that is his world and I try hard to stay out of that world so that he continues to grow.
With my mom, there will only be good days and bad days. There isn't long term recovery. But I see her doing all she can too. It would be easy to become impatient, answering the same question, telling her the same thing over and over but I have learned a great deal from my son, even as he was addicted.
Alzheimer's, just like addiction, you must accept what they have to give. These are diseases of the mind. Each disabling in a way I do not understand but must accept. Each person doing exactly what makes sense to them at that very moment, is that wrong what they do or is it just the way it is? The way it is must be accepted. There really isn't an alternative with either person. They are both doing the best they can.
Once again I need to work on myself. I need to find a way to use my time more wisely. The urgent must not overwhelm the important. The important is watching my son grow. The important is being a hero grandpa to a couple of little ones. The important is to see my mom smile when I visit because she still recognizes me. The urgent can wait, the garage can remain a mess another day and the grass may grow a little higher than I like.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Tough Love - The Language of Negativity
The language of addiction is laced with many terms that seem to be designed to scare everyone. Many words and descriptors of addiction make me cringe “Hitting bottom”, is a term I have written about before. Another term that I recently been exploring and considering is “Tough Love”.
TOUGH LOVE is harsh. Tough Love is another descriptor that bothers me. For a parent to do what is necessary with an addicted child isn't "tough love" it is REAL LOVE. Real love is letting your child sit in jail (protective custody) when for only a few dollars you could get him out and spare them from the confines of jail. (Only to find them using again with two hours.) Real love is telling your child they cannot live in your home as they continue to use drugs. Real love is seeing your addict hungry, dirty and homeless, buying them a meal and giving them info of people that can help them and encouraging them to seek help and not offering to "fix it" for them. Real love is selfishly taking the time to work on yourself so that when your addict has a "profound experience" you ARE able to help in the right way instead of just falling back into old habits of enabling.
Addiction is a disease. When we see a parent sitting bedside of a child with cancer taking chemotherapy, holding their hand, wiping their head, combing their hair as it falls out, holding the pan as they get sick we admire that parent and comment how much they must love their child to be by their side. That parent doesn’t love their child any more than you or I. That parent is only doing what they can and must to help their child get better; just like we are doing when we practicetough love real love.
Real Love is why you are here reading this post.
Tough love is easy, throw them out and leave them to the world.
TOUGH LOVE is harsh. Tough Love is another descriptor that bothers me. For a parent to do what is necessary with an addicted child isn't "tough love" it is REAL LOVE. Real love is letting your child sit in jail (protective custody) when for only a few dollars you could get him out and spare them from the confines of jail. (Only to find them using again with two hours.) Real love is telling your child they cannot live in your home as they continue to use drugs. Real love is seeing your addict hungry, dirty and homeless, buying them a meal and giving them info of people that can help them and encouraging them to seek help and not offering to "fix it" for them. Real love is selfishly taking the time to work on yourself so that when your addict has a "profound experience" you ARE able to help in the right way instead of just falling back into old habits of enabling.
Addiction is a disease. When we see a parent sitting bedside of a child with cancer taking chemotherapy, holding their hand, wiping their head, combing their hair as it falls out, holding the pan as they get sick we admire that parent and comment how much they must love their child to be by their side. That parent doesn’t love their child any more than you or I. That parent is only doing what they can and must to help their child get better; just like we are doing when we practice
Real Love is why you are here reading this post.
Tough love is easy, throw them out and leave them to the world.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Peace and Serenity?
Is it possible for an animal to find peace and serenity?
Our old cat, Bailey is not doing well. For the last few months he has be especially affectionate, always wanting to be on your lap or close. The last month he has wanted to go outside, he has never been restricted from the outside. When he was a kitten and young cat he was outside a lot always hunting and many times bringing back mice and birds. Then I don't think he went outside for over 5 years.
He has gotten steadily thinner this summer and stopped his grooming probably a month ago. He stopped eating about 3 days ago and now all he wants to do is lay on the rocks around the goldfish pond. This is where many of his successful hunts took place. For some reason he seems at peace. Is peace and serenity only a human characteristic or can an old cat find that place too?
Our old cat, Bailey is not doing well. For the last few months he has be especially affectionate, always wanting to be on your lap or close. The last month he has wanted to go outside, he has never been restricted from the outside. When he was a kitten and young cat he was outside a lot always hunting and many times bringing back mice and birds. Then I don't think he went outside for over 5 years.
He has gotten steadily thinner this summer and stopped his grooming probably a month ago. He stopped eating about 3 days ago and now all he wants to do is lay on the rocks around the goldfish pond. This is where many of his successful hunts took place. For some reason he seems at peace. Is peace and serenity only a human characteristic or can an old cat find that place too?
Day After Day
Just a little update. I find I am not writing much about the day to day any longer. I guess when the drama and crisis lessens then the need to unload is diminished.
Alex and Kristy's baby is doing great. Tyler is just a little, squirming bundle of happiness. He is growing so fast. Already lifting his head up when he is on his stomach, which he doesn't seem to like much. We took him some of those black and white cards last night. He really seemed interested. It is amazing how those work. When Erica, Alex's oldest sister was born they were first experimenting with those and gave us some at the hospital and they really work. Even as small as Tyler is he was really intrigued and you could see his eyes following them.
Darlene is getting better after her emergency surgery for a ruptured appendix. Although she had a minor setback last night, we received the hospital bill, just the hospital, over $43,000. Someone should be ashamed. Luckily we have insurance. What about those that don't? We have a broken health care system and those that don't believe that have their heads in the sand. Or worse yet have been brainwashed by the industry and politicians.
Working on preparations for our annual Fall Festival. This is the 8th year. The invitations went into the mail yesterday. Any readers close the KC area let me know and I will send you an invitation too. As it says on the invitation, "Bring anyone you want with you, we love making new friends." We always try to introduce something new each year. This year I am going to construct a real size Angry Birds game. I am gathering materials to build the piggies area. Some type of blocks, boards, posts and ladders, Leslie had a good idea about painting milk cartons to look like the piggies. I know how to build a big slingshot, Erica and Leslie are going to paint up some red playground balls to resemble the angry birds. I hope this game doesn't flop.
Another new thing is a guy that works with me is a national tournament level yo-yo'er. He has invited a bunch of his friends in the KC YO-YO club to come and they have partnered with the KC Jugglers Club. A bunch of yo-yo'ers and jugglers are coming to Fall Festival and going to demonstrate their talents. I am really looking forward to seeing those tricks.
Fall Festival is something we really enjoy doing before it gets cold here in KS. The price of admission is low. The ticket price is you must sit for a picture. Erica and Darlene construct a photo book of each Fall Festival and family photos are a huge part of the experience. We post them all online and I was amazed at how many Christmas cards we got that had the Fall Festival family photo as part of the card. Erica said, the photo book this year is about 65 pages. I can understand why, with all the family photos and all the photos of the games and winners and kids playing. We always have all the years photo books on a table outside during Fall Festival and people are looking at them all day comparing years, new gray hairs and weights I am sure. Here is a link to last years photos: Fall Festival 2010
BTW, I read all the other blogs and I read where some of our kids and some adults writing their own blogs are clean. Every day I think about how lucky I am to be experiencing this life. Every day I hold out hope for every other child or parent that is fighting this terrible disease. Where there is life there is hope. When we look around there is life everywhere we look. Hope is every bit as real as you are reading this right now. My hope today is that no matter the circumstances you will find a moment of peace in your life and feel the love of those around you.
Alex and Kristy's baby is doing great. Tyler is just a little, squirming bundle of happiness. He is growing so fast. Already lifting his head up when he is on his stomach, which he doesn't seem to like much. We took him some of those black and white cards last night. He really seemed interested. It is amazing how those work. When Erica, Alex's oldest sister was born they were first experimenting with those and gave us some at the hospital and they really work. Even as small as Tyler is he was really intrigued and you could see his eyes following them.
Darlene is getting better after her emergency surgery for a ruptured appendix. Although she had a minor setback last night, we received the hospital bill, just the hospital, over $43,000. Someone should be ashamed. Luckily we have insurance. What about those that don't? We have a broken health care system and those that don't believe that have their heads in the sand. Or worse yet have been brainwashed by the industry and politicians.
Working on preparations for our annual Fall Festival. This is the 8th year. The invitations went into the mail yesterday. Any readers close the KC area let me know and I will send you an invitation too. As it says on the invitation, "Bring anyone you want with you, we love making new friends." We always try to introduce something new each year. This year I am going to construct a real size Angry Birds game. I am gathering materials to build the piggies area. Some type of blocks, boards, posts and ladders, Leslie had a good idea about painting milk cartons to look like the piggies. I know how to build a big slingshot, Erica and Leslie are going to paint up some red playground balls to resemble the angry birds. I hope this game doesn't flop.
Another new thing is a guy that works with me is a national tournament level yo-yo'er. He has invited a bunch of his friends in the KC YO-YO club to come and they have partnered with the KC Jugglers Club. A bunch of yo-yo'ers and jugglers are coming to Fall Festival and going to demonstrate their talents. I am really looking forward to seeing those tricks.
Fall Festival is something we really enjoy doing before it gets cold here in KS. The price of admission is low. The ticket price is you must sit for a picture. Erica and Darlene construct a photo book of each Fall Festival and family photos are a huge part of the experience. We post them all online and I was amazed at how many Christmas cards we got that had the Fall Festival family photo as part of the card. Erica said, the photo book this year is about 65 pages. I can understand why, with all the family photos and all the photos of the games and winners and kids playing. We always have all the years photo books on a table outside during Fall Festival and people are looking at them all day comparing years, new gray hairs and weights I am sure. Here is a link to last years photos: Fall Festival 2010
BTW, I read all the other blogs and I read where some of our kids and some adults writing their own blogs are clean. Every day I think about how lucky I am to be experiencing this life. Every day I hold out hope for every other child or parent that is fighting this terrible disease. Where there is life there is hope. When we look around there is life everywhere we look. Hope is every bit as real as you are reading this right now. My hope today is that no matter the circumstances you will find a moment of peace in your life and feel the love of those around you.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Assumptions
We all know what it means to ass-u-me but I was pretty bad about making assumptions based upon past experience. While my son was using my assumption most of the time was it would never end. A logical assumption was that every weekend there would be drama and a crisis, and just to stay prepared there was always practice dramas and crisis all through the week too. So naturally my assumption was that nothing would ever change.
After taking time I began to understand that my assumptions were destroying whatever peace that happened my way. It was a real struggle for me to get over my assumptions. I have lived my life with high expectations of myself and just about anyone around me. In my mind constant and consistent learning renews me makes me better, from that the natural assumption was that everyone would want the same. My assumptions were toxic to my well being and mental health.
Living life based on assumptions left me very little time for another even more important "A" word, appreciation.
Today I am better about dropping assumptions but I am still pushing myself to get better every day. As I work on that I am learning I have more time to appreciate life's rewards and struggles. I think of where we all were 12 months, 18 months or even 5 years ago and can better appreciate the place we are today. It would have been my nature to take things and people for granted.
Appreciation is slowly replacing ass-u-me. Appreciation is being able to just sit and watch my son play football and golf in the backyard with his sisters and brother-laws on Labor Day. Appreciation is seeing my son and daughters play games with the kids, forgetting that there is a 20 year age difference. Appreciation is the way a granddaughter grabs my finger, looks up and says, "Papa, swing me" or a tiny grandson that falls asleep when I hold him.
When I am able to release the turmoil inside I get these rewards. I think I have made a good trade. No matter what happens in the future I like this place better and I am going to try my best to remain there.
After taking time I began to understand that my assumptions were destroying whatever peace that happened my way. It was a real struggle for me to get over my assumptions. I have lived my life with high expectations of myself and just about anyone around me. In my mind constant and consistent learning renews me makes me better, from that the natural assumption was that everyone would want the same. My assumptions were toxic to my well being and mental health.
Living life based on assumptions left me very little time for another even more important "A" word, appreciation.
Today I am better about dropping assumptions but I am still pushing myself to get better every day. As I work on that I am learning I have more time to appreciate life's rewards and struggles. I think of where we all were 12 months, 18 months or even 5 years ago and can better appreciate the place we are today. It would have been my nature to take things and people for granted.
Appreciation is slowly replacing ass-u-me. Appreciation is being able to just sit and watch my son play football and golf in the backyard with his sisters and brother-laws on Labor Day. Appreciation is seeing my son and daughters play games with the kids, forgetting that there is a 20 year age difference. Appreciation is the way a granddaughter grabs my finger, looks up and says, "Papa, swing me" or a tiny grandson that falls asleep when I hold him.
When I am able to release the turmoil inside I get these rewards. I think I have made a good trade. No matter what happens in the future I like this place better and I am going to try my best to remain there.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Anderson Cooper's New Show
I got an e-mail from a producer of Anderson Cooper's new show debuting on Sept. 12. They are looking for parents of addicts on the east coast, New York area or able to travel there on this Friday. She said they are doing a show on parents of addicts and would love to have parents in the audience to interact.
If you are close enough and interested here is Shana's, the producer, e-mail: shana.slutsky@andersoncooper.com
Here is her phone number: (212) 275-8929.
Shana ask me to publicize this to people reading my blog and
might have an interest in attending the show.
If you are close enough and interested here is Shana's, the producer, e-mail: shana.slutsky@andersoncooper.com
Here is her phone number: (212) 275-8929.
Shana ask me to publicize this to people reading my blog and
might have an interest in attending the show.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
New Partnership Post
The Partnership at Drugfree.org has published another one of my essays. This one is not just a repost of something I put on the blog.
My Sons Drug Addiction, What I Learned About Myself
My Sons Drug Addiction, What I Learned About Myself
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Negotiating Recovery
We've all done it. Seldom, if ever does it work. We make deals, we are willing to sell our soul, our dignity and our future to an addict in an effort to stop the madness.
My efforts to negotiate recovery involved buying things, providing gifts, paying for medical treatment, rehab and rents. All this in a fruitless attempt to bargain away the addiction from my son. This all happens while we enable our addicts and deny the reality.
Then we begin to get smarter about enabling and stop wasting our treasures. But all that does is lead us to a new phase of negotiating. We begin negotiating with our self. We whisper inside that if I see this and this and that then I can do this and this and that.
How do you negotiate with an addict that has no sense of justice or fair play? How can you negotiate with an addict that suffers from a disease that results in behaviors a sane person would deem insane? An addict will not and cannot negotiate away their addiction. As long as you indulge in negotiating with addiction you have everything to lose and there is nothing to gain.
So what's the answer? You must live in the world of a reality that involves seeing the picture as it is not how you want it to be. Stepping back and taking in the holistic nature of this disease and how it not only affects the addict but all those that they touch is the first step. From that place I was able to see that negotiating was hopeless. Then it came down to figuring out where I actually stood in relationship to the disease and my relationship with my addict.
At that point I began to understand what boundaries meant. At that point there is no negotiating. The only thing left is deciding where you can go and where you cannot go.
My efforts to negotiate recovery involved buying things, providing gifts, paying for medical treatment, rehab and rents. All this in a fruitless attempt to bargain away the addiction from my son. This all happens while we enable our addicts and deny the reality.
Then we begin to get smarter about enabling and stop wasting our treasures. But all that does is lead us to a new phase of negotiating. We begin negotiating with our self. We whisper inside that if I see this and this and that then I can do this and this and that.
How do you negotiate with an addict that has no sense of justice or fair play? How can you negotiate with an addict that suffers from a disease that results in behaviors a sane person would deem insane? An addict will not and cannot negotiate away their addiction. As long as you indulge in negotiating with addiction you have everything to lose and there is nothing to gain.
So what's the answer? You must live in the world of a reality that involves seeing the picture as it is not how you want it to be. Stepping back and taking in the holistic nature of this disease and how it not only affects the addict but all those that they touch is the first step. From that place I was able to see that negotiating was hopeless. Then it came down to figuring out where I actually stood in relationship to the disease and my relationship with my addict.
At that point I began to understand what boundaries meant. At that point there is no negotiating. The only thing left is deciding where you can go and where you cannot go.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
A New Moniker
No matter what my son has been called in the past by me or anyone else. The reputation, the names and the past actions mean nothing today because today he is saddled with a new moniker that will be with him the rest of his life, Daddy.
Tyler Alexander Grover
5:38 pm 8/19/11
7 lbs 1 oz
19''
Don't they both look good.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
You Are Not Alone
The Partnership at Drugfree.org has launched a new program. It is called "You Are Not Alone".
It is parents talking directly to parents in short video clips. If you are interested you can check it out here:
I've done one video but I promised them I would do more when I get the time. It isn't easy. I can stand in front of people and speak naturally all day but as soon as that red light came on the video camera it was if a gun was pointed at my head. I'll have to work on my delivery.
It is parents talking directly to parents in short video clips. If you are interested you can check it out here:
I've done one video but I promised them I would do more when I get the time. It isn't easy. I can stand in front of people and speak naturally all day but as soon as that red light came on the video camera it was if a gun was pointed at my head. I'll have to work on my delivery.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Recovery Doesn't Mean Perfect
This post isn't about any specific action or thing. This is simply a reminder to myself and others that recovery doesn't mean perfect.
It's important that I think of my son and treat him as a human being, not a special case of someone in a weird place called "recovery". Human beings work, play, think, have dreams, wants and are free to do whatever they believe is important to succeed financially and spiritually. A person in recovery is free to live that life and it is important that I recognize that fact. A person in recovery must also be free to make mistakes and experience hardship just as the rest of us do each day. Without the freedom to live learn grow and make mistakes there can be no growth.
Through fear, past experience or whatever it is not fair for me to put unrealistic expectations on my son just because I fear the past so much. Unrealistic expectations not only hurt me they hurt everyone around me. I must not walk lightly around my son and I must not expect perfection. He deserves to be treated and loved just the same as my other children. Each of them are different and have different needs based upon their own lives.
The past is past, I will get better as learn to allow the past to be in the past.
It's important that I think of my son and treat him as a human being, not a special case of someone in a weird place called "recovery". Human beings work, play, think, have dreams, wants and are free to do whatever they believe is important to succeed financially and spiritually. A person in recovery is free to live that life and it is important that I recognize that fact. A person in recovery must also be free to make mistakes and experience hardship just as the rest of us do each day. Without the freedom to live learn grow and make mistakes there can be no growth.
Through fear, past experience or whatever it is not fair for me to put unrealistic expectations on my son just because I fear the past so much. Unrealistic expectations not only hurt me they hurt everyone around me. I must not walk lightly around my son and I must not expect perfection. He deserves to be treated and loved just the same as my other children. Each of them are different and have different needs based upon their own lives.
The past is past, I will get better as learn to allow the past to be in the past.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Another Addict In Recovery
Here is another addict in recovery writing to help themselves and others. She has just started blogging.
Genrxation
Genrxation
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Is It A Matter of Public Relations or Education?
This entry is about our children that die from addiction. Too many parents lose children from addiction and it is tragic, the pain affects us all but nothing like the parent that suddenly finds a hole in their life that will never be filled.
In our area we have had a number of teens die from automobile accidents, it is tragic. They make an error in judgement or do something stupid and the consequences are fatal. We see it here all the time, speeding, bumper tag, inattentive driving and yes, driving while intoxicated. Another parent loses a child. There are memorials, candlelight ceremonies, an outpouring of grief from the community. All in an effort to ease the grief and comfort all who are hurting.
We have also had young people in our community die from addiction. All is quiet. The family and friends suffer in silence.
We have all heard the comments whispered, just another addict. If they hadn't been doing drugs it wouldn't have happened. That's what you get doing drugs. But, no matter this was a child loved by parents and family. This was a child that did the same thing as the child that dies accidentally in a crash or accident. They made a mistake in which they could not recover.
I have come to believe until addiction comes out from the darkness and we recognize it for what it is our children that have made the mistake of using and becoming addicted there will always be a devaluation of a person suffering from addiction.
There is too much pain in this disease, why do we make it worse?
In our area we have had a number of teens die from automobile accidents, it is tragic. They make an error in judgement or do something stupid and the consequences are fatal. We see it here all the time, speeding, bumper tag, inattentive driving and yes, driving while intoxicated. Another parent loses a child. There are memorials, candlelight ceremonies, an outpouring of grief from the community. All in an effort to ease the grief and comfort all who are hurting.
We have also had young people in our community die from addiction. All is quiet. The family and friends suffer in silence.
We have all heard the comments whispered, just another addict. If they hadn't been doing drugs it wouldn't have happened. That's what you get doing drugs. But, no matter this was a child loved by parents and family. This was a child that did the same thing as the child that dies accidentally in a crash or accident. They made a mistake in which they could not recover.
I have come to believe until addiction comes out from the darkness and we recognize it for what it is our children that have made the mistake of using and becoming addicted there will always be a devaluation of a person suffering from addiction.
There is too much pain in this disease, why do we make it worse?
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Recovery and Me Blog
Here is a link to a young woman with a young daughter working on her recovery. She has just started the blog and her few postings so are very insightful, raw and enlightening for me as a parent of an addict in recovery. Her story of getting busted and time in jail and prison is worth a read for any parent going through the pain. It's worth visiting. Please support her, plus her hometown of Warrensburg, MO is not that far from me.
Recovery and Me!
Recovery and Me!
Contest Results
A few months ago I posted about SAMSHA contest for young people to make a short PSA video about substance abuse for national distribution. http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2011/02/psa-contest.html
I just got an e-mail from Tracy Farmer with a link to the winning video:
"I Am More Than Meets The Eye"
For anyone that is interested in the 2012 contest here is a link to a video with information.
http://challenge.gov/challenges/128
I just got an e-mail from Tracy Farmer with a link to the winning video:
"I Am More Than Meets The Eye"
For anyone that is interested in the 2012 contest here is a link to a video with information.
http://challenge.gov/challenges/128
Sunday, July 24, 2011
A Dead End Road?
We just got back from the lake. My brother has a place on Table Rock Lake and we went there with the family for a few days. While we were there Mom and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. Nothing special just a day together.
While we were out of touch I saw that Amy Winehouse died. I don't know for sure but I assume from the circumstances it was from an overdose. Unfortunately this is the end of the road for some addicts. Never able to find the ability to seek or maintain a life of sobriety. The illness has too great of a hold.
But, this is not the road for all addicts. Whether her death makes a difference to anyone else we will never know but the truth is every single day thousands of addicts and alcoholics across the globe give up their using drugs or drinking. This is not a miracle this is just the way this disease works. All we can really hope for is that the addict in your life lives to see their day. Unfortunately Ms. Winehouse's parents doesn't get to see their daughter reach that day, but that doesn't mean your son or daughter won't.
Mom and I are lucky, Alex lived to see his day. He was one of thousands that made that step a year ago. Truthfully, we thought it was touch and go for a while but he did live to see his day. In fact I look back on what I told an emergency room doctor a few years ago when he gave my son less than 50/50 chance of living through the surgery he urgently needed. I told the doc in the emergency room prepping him it was our job to keep him alive today because every day thousands of people quit and Alex just hasn't reached his day yet. The doc stopped working for a second, looked at me took a deep breath and worked harder. Later the doctor told me he had never heard it put that way.
For those parents with kids struggling through this, no matter if they are 14 or 60 we all hope they reach their special day. The day they see the light of a profound experience.
It's difficult to describe how good it feels with Alex today and nearly impossible to describe how bad it was a year ago. Hold on to hope, take care of yourself and do what you can to support recovery when that day comes. Until then, where there is life there is hope.
While we were out of touch I saw that Amy Winehouse died. I don't know for sure but I assume from the circumstances it was from an overdose. Unfortunately this is the end of the road for some addicts. Never able to find the ability to seek or maintain a life of sobriety. The illness has too great of a hold.
But, this is not the road for all addicts. Whether her death makes a difference to anyone else we will never know but the truth is every single day thousands of addicts and alcoholics across the globe give up their using drugs or drinking. This is not a miracle this is just the way this disease works. All we can really hope for is that the addict in your life lives to see their day. Unfortunately Ms. Winehouse's parents doesn't get to see their daughter reach that day, but that doesn't mean your son or daughter won't.
Mom and I are lucky, Alex lived to see his day. He was one of thousands that made that step a year ago. Truthfully, we thought it was touch and go for a while but he did live to see his day. In fact I look back on what I told an emergency room doctor a few years ago when he gave my son less than 50/50 chance of living through the surgery he urgently needed. I told the doc in the emergency room prepping him it was our job to keep him alive today because every day thousands of people quit and Alex just hasn't reached his day yet. The doc stopped working for a second, looked at me took a deep breath and worked harder. Later the doctor told me he had never heard it put that way.
For those parents with kids struggling through this, no matter if they are 14 or 60 we all hope they reach their special day. The day they see the light of a profound experience.
It's difficult to describe how good it feels with Alex today and nearly impossible to describe how bad it was a year ago. Hold on to hope, take care of yourself and do what you can to support recovery when that day comes. Until then, where there is life there is hope.
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