tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post4919902310966410725..comments2024-01-26T03:02:18.654-08:00Comments on An Addict In Our Son’s Bedroom: What Is Support?Dad and Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204246139693620329noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-37080092159878216902009-07-31T18:32:37.673-07:002009-07-31T18:32:37.673-07:00have you and mom thought of nar-anon yet? for you ...have you and mom thought of nar-anon yet? for you there is also a book by melodie beattie called "the language of letting go" it is a daily meditation, real good stuff, also she wrote "co- dependent no more" that is a word i never knew until i came into the rooms. i agree with lou though make him have a game plan and he needs NA meetings asap. and a sponsor.<br /> it must be terrible anxiety now that it is getting close to him getting some extra freedoms. i know you and mom will find the answers you need, you have strong spirits and enough love to survive anything, and you have created such a wonderful tool here online for parents. prayers to you and yours.clean and crazyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09156586299182570611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-40007397638238749292009-07-31T18:20:26.332-07:002009-07-31T18:20:26.332-07:00Gosh, this is something I haven't even thought...Gosh, this is something I haven't even thought about because my son is not even at the admitting he has a problem stage. Lots of great advice here, and to the above anonymous commenter, I'm praying for you. I'm praying for us all.hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10980282918438570253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-2135305831735893422009-07-31T14:55:08.672-07:002009-07-31T14:55:08.672-07:00My son left jail 5/27/09 and has Prob 36 probation...My son left jail 5/27/09 and has Prob 36 probation. He is using opiates again, I know in my intuition and my heart. He is trying to follow our guidelines (doing his chores, attending meetings, putting some applications in, etc). He is slipping every day though and it tears me up. I told him he could not live with us using and that he would need to leave, he said he had nowhere to go. He has no other family and our town is VERY conservative and there is not a lot of programs for addicts. We have one shelter and it is for the winter months only at various churches. It is killing me to do this. My husband (his step-father) is fed up and ANGRY. He just can't stand it anymore. Even with a plan, I haven't completely had the strength to always follow through. I am so sad and heart broken. This has been going on since he was 17 and he is now 23. His father and his paternal grandmother died within a month of each other from opiate use, he found them both. I guess it is the fear of his death that keeps me from being able to get him in the street but it looks like that is where I am right now. My heart goes out to you all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-89711200201882190832009-07-30T23:56:38.543-07:002009-07-30T23:56:38.543-07:00I am a planner to, so I can totally relate to the ...I am a planner to, so I can totally relate to the flow chart remark at the end. This whole parenting gig is not easy to put in an Excel spreadsheet is it? <br /><br />I think you got some great input in the comments above. As I read your post I opened up my mind and kind of just let the thoughts flow. The one thing that came to me (and I may get yelled at by parents with more experience) is to balance not trusting him as far as you can throw him, with giving him a sense that you believe in him and want to trust him. Does that even make sense?<br /><br />I know with Keven that he HATES that I don't trust him, but I don't and I tell him to his face that it just ain't gonna happen any time soon, but I tell him I believe in him. I tell him I expect the best out of him because I know he can rise above the statistics and overcome this and get his life back. <br /><br />Its all so hard to deal with. Today my son is doing great. Tomorrow...we'll see. Syd summed it up, its sounds so simple but its so true that we can only do this one day at a time (which really sucks for us planners)Bar L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11100008292699584336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-70989791774559053452009-07-30T20:14:05.068-07:002009-07-30T20:14:05.068-07:00You've gotten some great input, and I'll b...You've gotten some great input, and I'll be implementing much of it myself in about 60 days...<br />Great post, you bring up good questions.ChaiLattehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-51404115673794287402009-07-30T19:53:39.375-07:002009-07-30T19:53:39.375-07:00All the better. Dad, I will pray for you. You hav...All the better. Dad, I will pray for you. You have been a good dad. I say plan on how your life will no longer be interrupted by your son's choices. Plan it, picture it and live in it. If he makes good choices, follow Lou's advice. If he makes bad choices, follow Lou's advice. I like Lou. I honestly will pray. Lots of power in that.Anonymous :)https://www.blogger.com/profile/14866852475568786172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-51264552843439944102009-07-30T19:22:12.103-07:002009-07-30T19:22:12.103-07:00When he leaves The Center, which is part of the de...When he leaves The Center, which is part of the department of corrections he must go to a clean living facility, probably an Oxford House here in KC. He cannot come to our home to live.Dad and Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14204246139693620329noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-39007682883856378672009-07-30T18:55:51.517-07:002009-07-30T18:55:51.517-07:00Do not allow drug use in your home. Do not allow d...Do not allow drug use in your home. Do not allow drinking in your home. Insist on total abstinence. If you don't, he will find a way to "cheat." If you suspect there is drug use, there IS drug use. Do not be complicit with any illegal /immoral activity..not paying his bills, lying for him, closing your eyes to possessions you know he could not have bought. Do not give cash. If you want to buy shoes (or whatever) go with him to the store, pay for it there. If he comes home to live, charge him rent. Make him do chores. Be very clear he will have to leave if he doesn't. Have the car running if he doesn't comply, and take him where you have agree to before hand (shelter, bus stop).<br />Insist he have a plan for aftercare if he is at your home. NA/AA/therapy/outpatient treatment/Buddhism- whatever it is make him leave the FIRST time he doesn't follow it.<br />I didn't do any of these things. But it's not too late for you.Louhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09496172669599418214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-46077238909455038232009-07-30T18:39:18.605-07:002009-07-30T18:39:18.605-07:00I like the idea of one day at a time. And I like t...I like the idea of one day at a time. And I like the slogan Keep It Simple. Let him do what he can do for himself. Don't project too many expectations on him. Just one day and sometimes one moment at a time is all that's needed.Sydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642843245634635843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-55191726971080288092009-07-30T17:37:07.434-07:002009-07-30T17:37:07.434-07:00This kid was born under a lucky star the day he wa...This kid was born under a lucky star the day he was welcomed into life by the two of you. He was blessed. You love him, that is evident. I'm sure you will get a lot of folks who jump in with advice. But, I think it would be different than mine. The antiboiotic for this disease is pain. Plan to provide severe pain swiftly unless drug free period. Plan how you're going to say this, how you're going to do this and plan to provide suggested alternatives to the use of your roof, your food & your friendship. This is not a disease that responds well to rocking and burping. I have had many drug counselors give me this advice and felt like slapping every one of them. I wish I'd listened years ago.Anonymous :)https://www.blogger.com/profile/14866852475568786172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-86763214412998285382009-07-30T17:36:14.955-07:002009-07-30T17:36:14.955-07:00Don't do for someone what they can do for them...Don't do for someone what they can do for themselves is a perfect place to begin. Living one day at a time is about all my addict can maange and all I can manage in my own disease of co-dependence and enabling. I can let go for today. I remind myself often, daily, multiple times, that I will not be the answer for my child. If I were, we wouldn't still be here. For me, stepping back and giving my adult child the space and the dignity to figure out her own plan has been the biggest gift I could give her. It hasn't created miraculous perfect results, but day by day progress is being made for now.Annettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18326425173333184401noreply@blogger.com