tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post2220909165394859218..comments2024-01-26T03:02:18.654-08:00Comments on An Addict In Our Son’s Bedroom: Dear Enabling Mom and DadDad and Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204246139693620329noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-74867640434740835762010-09-30T11:14:29.878-07:002010-09-30T11:14:29.878-07:00I think what the commenters here are having troubl...I think what the commenters here are having trouble with is separating the two children they now have.<br />They have the child that they remember and that they hope will return and they also have an addict. <br />I am a recovering alcoholic. My addict person is, of necessity, a different person. I can't see the damage I cause because to do so whould require me to stop drinking. My morals decline because I do worse and worse things and if I am going to keep drinking I have to be able to justify those things. There is a reason that AA says that a using alcoholic/addict is insane. Because we have to skew our thinking to make what we do ok. After you stop drinking, you step back and say "was that me? No sane person could have done those things".<br />Ironically, I used to, before my own drinking was quite so insane, be married to an alcoholic. I used to say that it was like getting married to someone you loved and afterwards having them pull this person out of the closet and say "oh, by the way, part of the deal is that you are also married to my evil twin".<br />The problem is, that while the addict/alcoholic is using, you have to assume that all their behaviors are insane. Even if they are just using "a little". Even that phrase is insane. There is no just a little or just a little slip. And, while in that mode, trust me. You are dealing with the evil twin. Even if the alcoholic/addict thinks they are doing their best, they are still the evil twin until they are truly not using.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-40970702926513155602010-09-30T08:27:53.431-07:002010-09-30T08:27:53.431-07:00I was the mother of an addict. I am now the mothe...I was the mother of an addict. I am now the mother of dead child lost to a heroin overdose. My feeling on the letter was that it was a bit exagerated,having being written from what the mother thinks her son is thin but having raised an addict, I can agree that alot of their thinking is calculated. But I also think it is the disease needing to feed itself. My son stole from us, from his grandparents, his brother, you name it. Its an ugly life. And the end results if they dont get help and clean, is devastating to those left behind.kelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01982496933879300175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-57721948446115102842010-09-29T16:57:56.484-07:002010-09-29T16:57:56.484-07:00beachteacher,
Go to your dictionary and look up &...beachteacher,<br /><br />Go to your dictionary and look up "perpetual victim" and you will see a picture of Tonjia.<br /><br />Pot. Kettle. Black.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-59938548855518057272010-09-29T09:02:43.818-07:002010-09-29T09:02:43.818-07:00This letter reminded me of the forward in the book...This letter reminded me of the forward in the book " I am your Disease". The forward was written by an addiction counselor in the context of the addiction/disease speaking. <br /><br />I don't know that I agree with everything in it, but if it helped the Mom, the writer to heal, then, that's not a bad thing.<br />Hugs<br />Kellykellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00270278485457022184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-86635534013679177862010-09-29T07:08:56.301-07:002010-09-29T07:08:56.301-07:00I get the “spirit” of the letter….I didn’t take it...I get the “spirit” of the letter….I didn’t take it as actual, but rather a parent’s perspective of what it can “feel” like their addict must think. I get this also because there have been times when it has felt like what is described in the author’s letter is close to what my son must think, judging by his actions and behaviors. I think you also have to consider that different drugs elicit different behaviors. Would your child ever really hit you? In their right mind hopefully not. Under the influence of some drugs? Very possible…I’ve seen my son on drugs that left him very subdued, lethargic, nearly incapable of even holding his own head up, telling me over & over again, “I love you momma.” The flip side would be the times I’ve seen him on a different drug that had him wild eyed, vacant, belligerent and angry…no resemblance to “my son” whatsoever. Addiction isn’t pretty, it’s crafty, it’s self serving, and it’s deceitful, it steals lives, it takes and takes, giving nothing in return, and it turns it's victims into people we don't know or recognize.Kristihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05641741958327206917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-56253122766894158932010-09-29T01:53:09.459-07:002010-09-29T01:53:09.459-07:00this women is just disgusting ,she is right about ...this women is just disgusting ,she is right about he will stop when his ready,I used for 20 years before i realised my life was fucked and had to do something ,and thanks to my mother i had somewhere to stay while i got on track ,i feel for this young man if this is what his mother will say in public what must she say to him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-50637434045739221412010-09-29T01:17:16.377-07:002010-09-29T01:17:16.377-07:00ps: Oh yeah, and I would never refer to rehab as &...ps: Oh yeah, and I would never refer to rehab as "stupid". from the moment i was told i should go, i said sure and packed my bags. If this is an addict being honest, well, no addict 'honestly' thinks that rehabs are stupid - they might say that but come on - you'd have to be ultra foolish to think that people in rehabs who are professionals in the field are 'stupid'.<br /><br />I guess I'm pretty offended at the letter, because it really paints addicts as selfish, nasty people. There's enough of that misconception out there, making it darned darned hard for us addicts who do want to get well. Do we need more? And from the family member of an addict? I feel like this woman is angry and out to denigrate all addicts as a group - and that's not fair.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-15464414162253970502010-09-29T01:12:15.857-07:002010-09-29T01:12:15.857-07:00I'm a recovering alcoholic and I agree with BM...I'm a recovering alcoholic and I agree with BMelonsLemonade. I NEVER thought my parents were suckers. I felt terrible for what I was putting them through. I don't believe an addict thinks like this just because they're an addict. The 'addict' speaking in the letter sounds like someone who had serious, serious problems before they ever picked up the drugs - as someone said above, a sociopath.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-32716552909968586592010-09-28T21:40:16.520-07:002010-09-28T21:40:16.520-07:00Wow. I for one can imagine my son thinking and sa...Wow. I for one can imagine my son thinking and saying almost all of this. A year ago I may have written something similar to what the first comment by Erin said. But I have learned too much in the last year. I tried to read her blog but it was too shiny and the font too small, bummer cause she looks like an interesting person and a fellow fibro-sufferer too. Thanks for sharing this.<br /><br />What really got me is the part about hitting the walls - there are holes in all the doors and most of the walls of my son's bedroom and my bedroom/bathroom. He has told me before he felt like hitting "someone" when he hits the walls. One nice thing is the hole in his bedroom door is so big I can look through it and see what he's up to in there :) I am letting nature take its course, I am done. He can live here till he messed up again, so far six days no drugs, alcohol or holes in walls.Bar L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11100008292699584336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-81062118432920232902010-09-28T20:39:55.171-07:002010-09-28T20:39:55.171-07:00Tonjia...I think I remember you from an earlier po...Tonjia...I think I remember you from an earlier post....and REALLY ....YOU are DEAD WRONG to be blaming suffering parents for their child's addiction !! NO,...she doesn't need to "take responsibility" for parenting that didn't "form a relationship"..nor CAUSE her child's addiction...UGH! And , sad as it is...I can very sadly relate to a lot of what this post said...from how the parent feels the addict child must be thinking....BASED UPON the child addict's behavior, whether or not that addict child really is thinking those thoughts. Remember...this post was written from a parent who wrote what she thought her child was thinking...based upon what she was seeing via that addict child's behavior. <br /> Yes...feeling like your son/daughter must be always looking around for something to steal is all too realistic for many of us...or the anger that is so very selfish and aggressive....where they DO NOT feel like they care anymore about their own life nor yours. Again...sadly ,much of this (from my own perception) is quite realistic from the point of view of a parent of an addict,....although it vaccilates back and forth between the selfishness, sadness and even guilt and self hatred of the addict...as we observe all of it. :(beachteacherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14159524928730022945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-90365613003443857812010-09-28T19:48:02.409-07:002010-09-28T19:48:02.409-07:00How amazingly self absorbed of her. I wonder where...How amazingly self absorbed of her. I wonder where I can get a class on psycic mind reading?<br /><br />She is dead wrong about what her son thinks. Maybe she should take the time to form a relationship with him and find out what he ACTUALLY thinks. <br /><br />Oh wait. Then she might have to take some responsibility for her parenting, and quit being a perpetual victim. That would NEVER do now would it?Tonjia Rolanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06426298295977858377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-90459678220296352852010-09-28T19:40:12.660-07:002010-09-28T19:40:12.660-07:00I'm a little confused on this one also. The ad...I'm a little confused on this one also. The addicted person writing this appears too cold and calculating. There just appears to be too much of a well thought out plan. Am I making sense? <br /><br />He seems to enjoy the pain he is causing. His thought processes are more like a psychopath as opposed to a person suffering from the disease of addiction. I think it is overstated and not representative of the research done on the thought processes and addictive thinking of an addict.<br /><br />However, one needs to realize the disease can take on a very aggressive style to accomplish it's goals so perhaps this letter is a good warning to be cautious.<br /><br />Just my personal opinion.VJhttp://www.addictionprofiler.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-34036559188812913682010-09-28T19:33:23.185-07:002010-09-28T19:33:23.185-07:00I don't know if the letter is fact or fiction ...I don't know if the letter is fact or fiction but the writer sure seems sociopathic. Maybe that is what the drugs do--reduces a person to chasing the high and not caring about anyone or anything except the drugs. I don't know. I am not an addict. But I realize that paying for things, not letting another be responsible, and continuing to enable can be a death sentence.Sydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642843245634635843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6644974106128239775.post-74356688909009065362010-09-28T18:43:42.782-07:002010-09-28T18:43:42.782-07:00I am not sure how I feel about this one, either. ...I am not sure how I feel about this one, either. It makes me hurt for those parents who can relate to this. With my addiction, I distanced myself from my parents. My mom and I would fight a lot, long distance, on the phone. My parents were on my case about things, and rightly so...but I never stole from them. I never manipulated them, and I never, ever thought they were suckers. Maybe because they were not enablers. I feel like the "author" of this letter is cold and callous. When I was in active addiction, it still hurt mt to think about how I had disappointed my parents. It pained me to realize that I was hurting people. Maybe I was just different. Or maybe my parents were different. I don't know. I do know that I was not like this, and that is coming from a person in recovery who has taken an honest look at the past. I feel sorry for the parents whose children think like this. I guess I knew a lot of addicts that were this calluous. I am blesssed that I never completely lost my heart, soul, or conscience...it would be virtally impossible to have gotten my life back without these things.BMelonsLemonadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06746882165582323180noreply@blogger.com